Things I learned from my friend’s dog
My friend Fleur has gone on a 5-week jaunt through Asia and I’m looking after her two-year-old dog, Snow. I’ve never had a dog before, so the experience is teaching me a lot.
So far I’ve learned that:
- There’s a sleepy dog smell.
- You don’t have to be very big to snore like a foghorn.
- Snow has no setting between OFF and MAXIMUM POWER.
- Due to some kind of biological quirk, the phrase “Come here” cannot be detected by Snow’s ears, but she can hear the opening of a door from the other end of the house through solid brick walls.
- If you step backwards (at any time), you will stand on Snow.
I’ve also gained some insight into her thought processes. I’m pretty sure that her philosophy goes like this:
- The purpose of life is to locate humans and stand as close to them as possible.
- Disgusting = interesting.
- Corollary A: The fouler it smells, the more it needs to be sniffed.
- Corollary B: If it drips, if it stinks, if it does both at once, bring it in the house.
- It is uncouth to push open a slightly ajar door in order to pass through it; rather, one should sit in front of it and whine.
- When you gotta go, you gotta go.
- The grass is always greener on the other side of a closed door.
- The only thing more exciting than going on a walk is coming home from a walk, unless you’re already home, in which case the most exciting thing is going for a walk.
- If you don’t know what it is, lick it.
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