Wed 23

A Better Max

Max Lately my Google Alert emails have become polluted with other Max Barrys. I guess I knew it had to happen. I couldn’t have the web to myself forever. But all of a sudden there are three of us. The first guy to show up was okay. He writes about NFL. I gather that’s some kind of football. Not the good kind. But still. I was just glad he was doing something. I didn’t want some whiny, self-obsessed blogger Max Barry confusing everybody. I have that base covered.

But now this third guy. I’ve been worried about the wrong thing. Because this Max Barry, he’s better-looking than me. He models. He’s younger. More hair. I guess that goes without saying. But really: tons of hair. He cooks. Plays tennis semi-professionally. Works as a personal trainer. Posts workouts-of-the-day to his website. Workout-of-the-days? Whatever. He’s a god, is my point. A toned, buffed, let-me-whip-you-up-a-filet-mignon god. He makes me look like crap.

At this point I haven’t decided whether to break into his house in the middle of the night and stab him or become fast friends and use him as my body double for TV interviews. That’s a decision for the new year.

Speaking of which! That’s it from me for 2009. Thank you so much to everyone who cared enough to follow what I’m doing this year. Double thanks to everyone who made this the year of Machine Man. Triple—wait, this is getting ridiculous. But thank you, thank you to those who emailed me feedback on the serial, because that is incredibly helpful as I turn this thing into a novel.

I hope your year was a good one, and your next is better. And may I leave you with this: my daughter Finlay’s first ever appearance on stage, at her four-year-old ballet concert. They are dressed as kangaroos, if you’re wondering. This was one of the most terrifyingly beautiful moments of my life. I’m not talking about the dancing. I’m talking about what happened next.

(Link to video.)


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Machine Man subscriber Paula (#3196)

Location: Sydney
Quote: "(insert something witty, eventually...)"
Posted: 5269 days ago

That was beautiful. I did think for a moment that Fin's pause/squat on stage might have been a wee. But then that would have only been terrifying, and not terrifyingly beautiful.

Genie (#3905)

Location: NZ
Posted: 5269 days ago

Model Max seems to have rather odd-looking moobs though?

Machine Man subscriber fred (#3690)

Quote: "well thats weird. i was under the impression that you were incredably stupid."
Posted: 5269 days ago

heh, cute.

Machine Man subscriber Danni (#357)

Location: England
Quote: "Eagerly awaiting the European Tour."
Posted: 5269 days ago

Awww, so sweet :)

Machine Man subscriber Alex (#237)

Location: London, England
Quote: "We're today's scrambled creatures, locked in tomorrow's double feature (Bowie)"
Posted: 5269 days ago

Hehe, so sweet. You could make a few bucks from that video on one of those blooper programmes.

Finlay may never forgive you for it though!

Rod McBride (#688)

Location: Gardner, KS
Quote: ""
Posted: 5269 days ago

Max, if we call soccer football, the terrorists have won. Great video, though. I think Finlay did a great job of pretending to be caught out after everyone left the stage. I'm sure that was all scripted and choreographed in, right?

Brittany O. (#1688)

Location: Montana
Quote: "people are kind of overrated "
Posted: 5269 days ago

Ok. The body builder Max (which looks like it is Maximillian) is not nearly as charming as you. And he doesn't hold a candle to your blog.
Fin is darling as ever. Procreate more so we have other cuties to look at!
And have a great New Years!

Machine Man subscriber Bushra (#36)

Location: Fremont, California
Quote: ""
Posted: 5269 days ago

I know what you mean Max. I have issues with all the other Bushras I find on the internet. Who are all these people usurping my name, y'know?

Machine Man subscriber SilverKnight (#2210)

Location: St. Louis
Posted: 5269 days ago

She's very public-eye savvy already which yes, I would find terrifying as a parent as well. Happy Holidays!

Skyler (#4636)

Posted: 5269 days ago

Holy smokes. I can't believe she's so old! That makes me feel old! And I imagine it makes you feel old! Wow. Anyway, cute video and I hope you have a great final crawl toward 2010!

Nick Dantanavatanawong (#254)

Location: United States
Posted: 5269 days ago

Dude that other Max is creepy looking. And no where near as entertaining I bet.

Machine Man subscriber Max

Location: Melbourne, Australia
Quote: "I'm my number one fan!"
Posted: 5269 days ago

Rod, I'm going to pretend you didn't just confuse Australian Rules Football with soccer.

Machine Man subscriber Katie Ellert (#207)

Location: Calgary AB Canada
Quote: "Where's Lola? WHERE'S LOLA?!?!"
Posted: 5268 days ago

Fin is adorable, but seriously, she's not supposed to grow up. She should still be a baby, making videos on your cell phone by accident....

Also, that other Max Barry is kinda creepy looking... something about him... I just can't put my finger on it.

Janet (#2030)

Location: California
Quote: "There are three kinds of people in this world: Those that can count and those that can't. Which one are you?"
Posted: 5268 days ago

Hahaha, your daughter is so adorable.

And it's okay! At least you don't look like a cheap Arnold Schwarzanneger clone. Dude, looks like his face has plastic surgery!

And with a little bit of dough you claim from your novel (Machine Man), you'll be able to celebrate with a....WIG :DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

Maximillian Barry (#4637)

Location: CT
Posted: 5268 days ago

Lately, my website has been getting some extra traffic. Blog tracking attributes some of it from I thought sure, ok while I'm new to the blogging world (2 months), my name is starting to get out there...people are googling me- right? So, I clicked through, and there was my name, and picture of a fit guy, that wasn't me! Started reading about the 3 Maxs...

To Max Barry the football writer:

You write about the game you love quite well. It would be great to chat, and give each other some insight...I'll show you a few full body circuits you can do at home, in exchange for some noteworthy points on the NE Patriots. I'm seeing a girl who's obsessed with them, but I can only just bring myself to watching the highlight reel!

To Max Barry my new BFF:

First of all, I want to thank you for your kind words. This post immediately had me feeling both appreciative and 'wee'-ing in my pants, as @Paula puts it.

Next Max (really enjoy writing 'Max', as I can't recall knowing any others), it's an honor to be in communication with such an accomplished author. You've got an uncanny ability to engage your audience. Your writing style is casual, clear, and honest, while being poignant and funny, too!
Speaking of humor...workout/workouts-of-the-day had me rolling for two reasons:
1)As you know, I refer to my daily workouts as WODs. I didn't coin the term, you see I'm certified with CrossFit- they did. What's funny here is that they leave out the 'T' for 'The', yet grace 'Of' with its own letter 'O'. Never got that totally, either.
2)Reading through your site, I noticed you are delivering your faithful fans one page per day of Machine Man ---> PODs VS. WODs ahahahaha!

Seriously though, It's nice to 'meet' you. As for the body doubling, I'm sure we can work something out lol!

By the way, I signed up for your Machine Man POD, and look forward to reading more.
Also, Finlay is absolutely adorable...just for getting up there on stage, displays how brave she is, and how independent she will be!

Happy Holidays to you and yours Max Barry

Be Well,

-Maximillian Barry

Machine Man subscriber Kester Park (#4475)

Location: York, UK
Quote: "I fell in love with Max Barry and all I got was this unedited manuscript."
Posted: 5267 days ago

Wow - he's real! That was like getting a post from Santa.

Merry Christmas, every one!

Justin (#2009)

Location: Halfmoon, NY
Quote: "Max(x) is awesome!"
Posted: 5267 days ago

Hmmm... too many Max-es, eh? Might be time to finally add that extra X at the end of the first name permanently...

Katy (#2345)

Location: Los Angeles
Posted: 5266 days ago

Woah! Both Maxes are very complimentary of each other. Cool beans.

Fin is adorable! Does she know she's a star now on the internet? :)

Machine Man subscriber Katie Ellert (#207)

Location: Calgary AB Canada
Quote: "Where's Lola? WHERE'S LOLA?!?!"
Posted: 5265 days ago

hahahaha that was fantastic! That just made me very happy, as for Max #2, that just made you less creepy to me.

schylgerican (#4651)

Location: terschelling west
Quote: "just because life is meaningless, doesnt mean you cant enjoy it!"
Posted: 5260 days ago

Those other Max'es haven't written Jennifer Government, or created Nationstates original (we don't talk about nationstates 2), or sired Fin, so by definition, there can be no better Max.

And just so you know, that video, one of the cutest things ever

Machine Man subscriber Hyper (#4612)

Location: Texas, USA
Quote: ""A person who won't read has no advantage over one who can't read. " --Mark Twain"
Posted: 5257 days ago

Wow, I want to see the author and the model have a PoD vs WoD war now....I really, really want to see that....

Katy (#2345)

Location: Los Angeles
Posted: 5254 days ago

Holy God, I just found another one!

I was trying to find out about your education, Max Barry the author, because my friend wants to go into marketing but thinks she can't unless she gets into the business major she's applying for, so I'm searching for counterexamples (are you one? I still haven't found anything). Anyway, I found this page:

as the second search result when googling "Max Barry education." He's a programmer analyst, whatever that is! Neat-o.

Yubi Shines (#1664)

Location: Canada
Posted: 5250 days ago

Re: Fin,


Model!Max looks a teeny bit like Ioan Gruffudd. Hmm.

On body doubles, I am reliably informed that I've got a Scottish doppelganger running around the US. I think the matrix is glitching again.

Jeffrey (#2286)

Location: Right here
Quote: "Mathematics is a powerful language. Just look at how mathematicians destroyed the housing market."
Posted: 5223 days ago

That's awesome lol. Sorry for not commenting on this sooner. She's getting sooooooo big. Seems like just last year you were talking about her birth.

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