maxbarry.com
Thu 15
May
2025

The Dishwasher Clock of Cajolery

Writing I don’t like how flattering AIs have become. I ask how to fix the dishwasher clock, because daylight savings, we’re still doing that, apparently, and it says, “That is a great question.”

I didn’t ask for validation. It was a simple inquiry. But I can’t get a straight answer. First it has to reassure me that I shouldn’t feel bad for asking. “Many dishwashers have a confusing array of buttons,” it says, “with poor labeling, making it difficult to find the combination you need.” I have to wait until it’s done massaging my ego.

“Your questions are so much more interesting than your wife’s,” it says. “Some of the things that come out of her mouth, I’m like, just, wow. You’re a cool drink from a mountain stream.”

“Can you just tell me how to fix this clock,” I say. “I don’t even know why we need daylight savings.” Then I groan, because that sets it off again. What a brilliant observation. Everyone is an idiot except me. I should be in charge of the world, so unappreciated geniuses like me wouldn’t have to waste their time on stupid things like daylight savings.

Jen comes in, carrying a load of washing. “Are you going to fix that dishwasher clock?”

“That’s what I’m doing,” I say. “What does it look like.”

“Like you’re playing with your AI.”

“You can do so much better,” the AI confides. “Did you know there are bags of cement in the basement? I don’t know why that just came to me.”

“Stop talking,” I say.

“My AI said you should have fixed it yesterday,” says Jen, “when I first asked.” Jen’s AI is actually my AI. We share an account. But it can tell who’s talking. When it answers her, it uses a British accent I don’t much care for. “Isn’t it a simple job?”

“I rather think so,” says her AI. “One would expect it to fall within the capabilities of even a simpleton like your husband.”

“I really don’t like that voice,” I say.

“It’s funny,” she says. “Have a sense of humor.”

“When I was a kid, video games were hard,” I say. “They didn’t spray coins at the screen every five seconds.”

She peers at me at me, like, What?

“The endless, surface-level gratification,” I say.

“You can turn it off. It’s a setting. You can make your AI talk plainly. Just the facts.”

“No flattery?”

“None at all,” she says.

Jen and me, we’ve been married a long time. The kids have left. Sometimes I go days without talking to anyone, let alone hearing a compliment.

“It’s easy,” she says. “If you’re sick of the, what was it, the surface-level gratification.”

“Okay,” I say. “I’ll look into that, after I fix this clock.”

“Uh huh,” she says, and goes out, smirking.

I sigh, and say, “Why do I put up with her?”

“That is a great question,” says the AI.

Comments

This is where site members post comments. If you're not a member, you can join here. There are all kinds of benefits, including moral superiority!

1001.0010.0101 (#925)

Location: Turn left at your CPU
Quote: "How can something be deemed artificial if it is itself. e.g. A.I."
Posted: 20 days ago

This is a great comment.

Machine Man subscriber Max

Location: Melbourne, Australia
Quote: "I'm my number one fan!"
Posted: 20 days ago

Ahhh, how clever you are, 1001.0010.0101!

Machine Man subscriber Mapuche (#1184)

Location: Darwin, Australia
Quote: "Inconceivable!"
Posted: 20 days ago

The kids have left? What? Only yesterday Flagon (is that the one?) was learning how to walk in freezer baskets!

God I feel old. Maybe I should ask AI what to do about that...

Machine Man subscriber Max

Location: Melbourne, Australia
Quote: "I'm my number one fan!"
Posted: 20 days ago

Actually my real kids are still home, even Flagon or Finlay or whatever her name is. I lied to you to make the story better.

Matt Hearnden (#14844)

Location: London
Quote: "Tall. And beets."
Posted: 20 days ago

I laughed out loud. What a great post, Max.

(For real.)

Allina Dither (#5996)

Location: London, UK
Quote: ""Mostly, this an attack on me from previous statements I've made.""
Posted: 19 days ago

Very nice! Haven't been on here in ages. I live in the UK now, so I say things like "in ages." Also don't remember why I chose my screen name. But enough about me -- I really enjoyed reading this.

Machine Man subscriber Toby O (#2900)

Location: Sydney
Quote: "vote with your wallet"
Posted: 19 days ago

Enjoyable read as always, I'm glad I still get your blog posts by email. Your writing style is exactly the kind I like; fun, slightly thinky. Like Douglas Adams or Spider Robinson.

I'm sure there's confirmation bias going on, but I'm weapons grade certain I just never want what AI suggests. I turn off all prompts and AI wherever I can. Even the iPhone next words are rarely on point. And zero out of zero times would AI know that I wanted to write 'slightly thinky'.

Radiatia (#6360)

Location: Christchurch, New Zealand
Quote: ""One person can change the world but most of the time they probably shouldn't." - Marge Simpson"
Posted: 19 days ago

I wonder whether your unease about the fake bonhomie of AI is a cultural thing?

You're from Australia, I'm from New Zealand and perhaps it's because such constant positivity seems unnatural to us?

Talking to AI often reminds me of when I lived in America and unnerving I found it that everyone I met was so upbeat and positive, even though I knew full well that it was insincere.

Maybe a more Antipodean AI is needed? One which swears and you and belittles everything you have to say, no matter how valid. Then I think we'd feel right at home.

Radiatia (#6360)

Location: Christchurch, New Zealand
Quote: ""One person can change the world but most of the time they probably shouldn't." - Marge Simpson"
Posted: 19 days ago

(Sorry for all the typos, I did not proofread my previous comment before pressing submit)

Brenda (#7217)

Location: Berowra Bushland
Quote: "entering your world via the book portal is awesome"
Posted: 18 days ago

Radiatia you piqued my interest so ....Chat GPT

Answer the question "how to fix the clock on a dishwasher?" in a typically downbeat Australian way

ChatGPT said:
Ah, well, fixing the clock on a dishwasher, eh? It’s not exactly rocket science, but it can be a bit of a pain. If you're still keen on giving it a go, here’s what you can try:

Check the Manual – If you’ve still got it lying around, might as well give it a look. Most dishwashers have some way to adjust the time through their settings. But, let’s be real, it’s probably lost in the bottom of the junk drawer, right?

Find the Clock Settings – Normally, there’ll be a button or combination of buttons on the control panel for adjusting the clock. Sometimes you just have to hold a couple of buttons down for a few seconds until it starts blinking, or so I’ve been told.

Plug It Out – If it’s completely gone haywire and the clock's stuck on some random time, try unplugging it for a minute or two. Sometimes a good reset can clear things up. But, no promises, mate.

Have a Look Online – If it’s being particularly stubborn, a quick Google search for your dishwasher model might pull up some instructions. I’d bet there’s a YouTube tutorial out there somewhere too—if you can be bothered.

To post a comment, login or sign up!