The Dark Moustache of the Soul
I got into big trouble with my brother for
that anti-ginger blog.
“You’re just like Hitler,”
he said, or might as well have. “It’s not 1935, you know. Demonizing
people for aspects of their appearance they can’t control: we’re not doing
that any more.”
“Steady on,” I protested. “It was just harmless good fun. Besides, the point was I’m a ginger when I grow a moustache. That’s what made it funny.”
“I suppose you think Auschwitz would have been fine, if only Hitler was Jewish,” my brother argued, more or less. “I suppose you think it would have been hilarious.”
I suspected that my brother, or at least this version of him I was exagerating for comic effect, was getting carried away. But he did have a point. “Redheads are one of the few remaining groups it’s still socially acceptable to ridicule,” he said, and dammit, he was right. I had been so enraptured with the possibilities for jokes when I started sprouting gingers, I didn’t stop and think. My moustache was gone, but the dark moustache on my soul would not be shaved so easily.
“History is full of red-headed achievers,” he said. “You just never hear about them. Thomas Jefferson. James Joyce. Galileo. Malcolm X.”
“Malcolm X!? Are you sure?”
“Check it out for yourself.”
“Wow,” I said. “Maybe that’s why he was so angry.”
“You’re doing it again.”
“But I’m a ginger.”
“Let me explain this to you one more time.”
But seriously. Redheads rock. I love you guys. If I could grow long, amber locks, I’d be all over that. I’d let my beautiful red hair flow down to my shoulders and smell it every night before I went to sleep. Right now, I’ve got nothing. The difference between a red-haired guy and me is that he has options.
Comments
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Location: Grand Rapids, Michigan, USA
Quote: "When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
Posted: 5407 days ago
I read Twilight for frack sake.
I'm so bored.
And you....watch movies and grow facial hair?
Books! WRITE BOOKS!
Short stories.....anything
Recomend books.
Tell us how your writing is going.
Just look at how even this site has shriveled....
2006 56 posts
2007 45 posts
2008 20 posts
this year you're on track to write 12 posts
Get in gear.
You're losing us.
Ian
Kevin Kelsey (#1511)
Location: Fayetteville, Ar USA
Quote: ""So, I just cut them up like regular chickens? 'Sure, yeah, just cut them up like regular chickens'""
Posted: 5406 days ago
Robert (#413)
Location: Los Angeles
Quote: "A positive attitude will not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort."
Posted: 5406 days ago
Location: Leeds, UK.
Quote: "Trust Elizabeth to get upset over a donut."
Posted: 5406 days ago
Abgrund (#3357)
Location: Atlantis
Quote: ""Redeem your mind from the hockshops of authority." - Ayn Rand"
Posted: 5406 days ago
Yep, there's still plenty of freely mockable minorities...
Janet (#2030)
Location: California
Quote: "There are three kinds of people in this world: Those that can count and those that can't. Which one are you?"
Posted: 5406 days ago
Nianacio (#3819)
Posted: 5406 days ago
Anyway, Max, amber is a sort of dirty yellow. Please keep your hair color jokes straight. This is supposed to be about redheads, not blondes.
John Perkins (#1915)
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Quote: "Nothing says love like cash."
Posted: 5406 days ago
One of my favorite South Park episodes is still "Ginger Kids." You want to make fun of gingers? I say go for it. You've totally got this ginger's blessing.
S (#3626)
Location: Menomonee Falls, WI, USA
Quote: "Some type of chair, we presume."
Posted: 5406 days ago
Stephanie Stringham (#3241)
Location: Indiana
Quote: "If you believe you can tell me what to think, I believe I can tell you where to go."
Posted: 5406 days ago
Hobbie (#1359)
Location: Cornwall, England
Quote: "There was a little man in his hair!"
Posted: 5406 days ago
I have a beard that's kind of weird. All the rest of my hair including my moustache is a deep chocolate brown, but my beard has white, blonde, black, grey and ginger hairs in it. It's always the ginger ones that people here notice and take the mickey out of.
There is a world of difference between a proper redhead and a ginger anyway. A true redhead is an incredible thing. I have a massive thing for redheaded women... but ginger isn't red. It's orange. And I admit, I find ginger hair slightly off-putting, and generally I'm very forgiving about appearance, preferring intellect and humour over something that won't last as long as I hope the relationship will. I can't help it, ginger hair just gives me a mental image of Carrot Top and Charlie Dimmock, and that's enough to make anyone feel slightly ill.
Yubi Shines (#1664)
Location: Canada
Quote: "HOPE RIDES ALONE!"
Posted: 5406 days ago
I'm neutral on gingers. Usually I prefer brunettes.
Bald is pretty classy though, so I'd stick with that if I were you :P
towr (#1914)
Location: Netherlands
Posted: 5405 days ago
Somebody must not have heard of hair dyes. You can control the color of your hair. So suck it up, Max's comically exaggerated brother!
Sophie (#891)
Location: Devon
Posted: 5405 days ago
a. Hitler was quite possibly Jewish - there's suggestion that his dad was a Jewish trader at Graz. There's no conclusive evidence either way, though Hitler refused to produce the Certificate of Origin that everyone else had to produce at the time. (although you could use Poles or Gypsies in teh example instead).
b. Henna provides a non-carcinogenic, long-lasting, inexpensive alternative to gingerness. Thus, being ginger is a lifestyle choice...
Joe Sherrod (#947)
Location: Rockville, Maryland, USA
Posted: 5404 days ago
Thought you would like this link Max: a guy who works at Pepsi leaked the marketing document behind their new logo. There may or may not be a link to the actual document in this thread. It is more insane than you might expect.
Location: Sydney
Quote: "vote with your wallet"
Posted: 5404 days ago
I think that yes there's some bad blood between the scotch irish and the pommies, but for the colonies like Australia and America (where I am) it's just good banter. And these days there's nothing to get your knickers in a knot about, unless of course you were abused as child and have trouble dealing with the world in general, in which case you have larger problems and should probably be talking to a nice, sensitive shrink type, and not me.
brent (#3825)
Location: brisbane, australia
Quote: "i'm a unique snowflake. just like everyone else."
Posted: 5398 days ago
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