Thu 08

Max in America 2007

Company One thing I’m looking forward to is discovering what wacky new security schemes US Customs has come up with since I last visited. In 2006 they’d added fingerprinting and digital mug shots. This time I’m thinking maybe they’ll swab my mouth or get me to sing the Pledge of Allegiance. Or maybe they have followed this route to its logical conclusion and now herd foreign visitors straight from the airport to prisons, where any of us not intending to commit terrorist atrocities can fill out applications to be released.

Wow, that was pretty cynical, even for me. I’m not sure if that struck the appropriately witty, feel-good note I want to promote a book tour. But anyway. I have dates! And here they are:

[ Tour Details Here ]

As usual, I expect any outrage over ill-considered dates, places, etc, to be directed at my publisher. Remember, they’re the ones organizing this stuff. I’m just turning up and cleaning out the mini-bars.


This is where site members post comments. If you're not a member, you can join here. There are all kinds of benefits, including moral superiority!

Narain (#824)

Location: Los Angeles, right between civilization and a desert
Quote: "NI!"
Posted: 6257 days ago

Now when people ask me what I'll be doing for Spring Break, I can say that I'll be seeing Max Barry! Body shots!

Robert (#2152)

Location: Berlin, Germany
Posted: 6257 days ago

Since you planned the us tour, let us talk about the european tour!? max!?

Machine Man subscriber Marleen (#2741)

Location: Canada
Posted: 6257 days ago

What Robert said.

I want your autograph on my boo...ks. Please.

Tommy Conant (#443)

Location: Orlando FL
Quote: "I'd kill to win the Nobel Peace Prize!"
Posted: 6257 days ago

I have to say I am disappointed with the cities they have picked for your tour. I know there is a lot of flying involved, but Madison, Milwaukee and Chicago are all basically a few hours away from eachother! You would have been better off just adding two days of travel rest in the middle of the tour and made it more diverse in the offering. I would have suggested NY City and Orlando, Fl or even Atlanta to catch more of your fan base in those areas... as it is you are coming nowhere near the north or south east part of the US. I would basically have to drive at least 20 hours to any of the locations...

Hopefully next time it will be more well rounded and I hope you have a good trip.

kitty (#1326)

Location: Upstate NY
Quote: "sweet"
Posted: 6257 days ago

Sing the Pledge? Nah. They'll just do a full body x-ray to see your bloomers.

Machine Man subscriber Craig Barron (#1276)

Location: Leeds, UK.
Quote: "“Trust Elizabeth to get upset over a donut.”"
Posted: 6257 days ago

uk tour moan moan...

Elias (#1639)

Location: Abbaland
Posted: 6257 days ago

You reckon they'll still let you in, Mad Max?

Machine Man subscriber Barry Mitchell (#1001)

Location: Saukville, Wisconsin
Quote: ""A hamster's like a small camel" - Ben Katz"
Posted: 6257 days ago

Yes! It's official! I've already told my wife we're going to see you on March 27th in Milwaukee. (Of course, she just casually said, "OK," as if this wasn't the coolest thing ever.)

So... at the Milwaukee reading, the gawky guy looking proudly embarrassed as his 2 year old is singing to whoever over in the children's section... that'll be me.

And, BTW... I have to recant my original pledge to by at least 2 hard covers. Schwartz since that since this tour is to promote the paperback... that's what they'll have in stock. Their supplier doesn't have any hard cover Jennifer Governments. So I'll be getting a hardcover and a paperback Company and a paperback Jennifer Government (if they have one),

Machine Man subscriber Katrina (#847)

Location: SF, CA
Quote: "Good sex is like good Bridge: if you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand." -- Mae West"
Posted: 6257 days ago

I love how they start out with San Francisco, then end up in a small town across the hills. And Danville?! Ah well, at least it's spring break, plenty of time to dink around and go to book signings. ^_^

See ya there Max!

Justin (#2009)

Location: Halfmoon, NY
Quote: "Max(x) is awesome!"
Posted: 6257 days ago

Well, considering the closest you come to me this time around is a 13 hour car ride, I think I'm gonna miss out. Oh well. Enjoy the folks in the Midwest, I hear they're still angry about being skipped over last time, and they have pitchforks.

Adam A. (#256)

Location: Phoenix, Arizona
Quote: "Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that." -George Carlin"
Posted: 6257 days ago

Sky Harbor airport in Phoenix is the first one to try out this new full-body x-ray scanner.
But they don't use it on everybody; just Australians, I think.

Machine Man subscriber Bushra (#36)

Location: Fremont, California
Quote: ""
Posted: 6257 days ago

I'm going to have to agree with Katrina here. .. Danville?! Dude, that's like in the boondocks.

jjhatch (#2651)

Location: Round Rock, TX
Quote: "Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and good with ketchup!"
Posted: 6257 days ago

It figures that I'm going to be in Dallas and not Austin when you come.

Machine Man subscriber Ivan (#2404)

Location: Arizona
Quote: "Huh?"
Posted: 6257 days ago

Hooray for Phoenix! As promised, I will buy you a beer (and I promise I'm not crazy).

OK. I make no promises.

HAL 9000 (#271)

Location: Boston
Quote: "Let them hate me, so long as they fear me."
Posted: 6257 days ago

Are there really that more Barry fans in Wisconsin than the entire East Coast? It's an utterly bizarre itinerary... maybe your publisher is trying to do you in...

Joscelyn (#754)

Location: California,USA
Posted: 6257 days ago

Danville,ca? not a complete complaint you will still be within in driving distance but really what happened to San Francisco? what I dont understand is every other stop is a fairly large city and then you throw in Danville!

Shawna (#2485)

Location: San Francisco, CA
Quote: ""She is a child of ferocious will. She would question the universe if it could answer." - Anon"
Posted: 6257 days ago

I too do not understand how Danville happened. San Francisco, Danville. San Francisco, Danville. Sorry, does not compute. Also I'll be out of town so it hardly matters. Argh. Oh, well. You'll come again, right?

Marina (#2996)

Location: Vancouver
Posted: 6257 days ago

Oh man. No where even CLOSE to me.

C. W. (#1092)

Location: Cincinnati, OH, USA
Quote: "Cynic: An idealist that gets let down every fucking time."
Posted: 6257 days ago

I'm with the East Siders. Two stops in Wisconsin and then Chicago? And nothing farther east than that? Boo.

Max's Publisher, if you're reading this, next time don't double up on the Badger State and leave out everything east of Indiana. Thank you.

Farley (#2933)

Location: Vancouver, Canada
Quote: "YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE!...thanks, that's all I wanted"
Posted: 6257 days ago

You know what would be a nice place to visit, Max? Canada. Rocks and trees and water. Yup. Really beautiful. Fresh air. Mountains. Book stores. I hear Vancouver is especially nice. Maybe you should visit Canada, Max. And while you're here you might as well do a reading or two...please?

broad (#1759)

Location: astoria, ny
Posted: 6257 days ago

when i lived near chicago, you went to the east.

now i live in nyc and you are going to chicago.

harumph! your publisher plots against me ONCE AGAIN!

as a loyal reader, i sense CONSPIRACY!

Nora Jean Stone (#1170)

Location: San Francisco, CA, USA
Quote: "Do Wa Ditty, Life in the CITY, where the Women are Strong and the Men are Pretty... anon"
Posted: 6257 days ago

Danville over San Francisco? WTF? 7pm in Danville that's a bad joke, the commuter traffic would make everyone going there by car late and arrive out of sorts. There's no round trip mass transit going to fricking Danville at that time of day. Even if we took BART and got as far as it would go we'd have to transfer to the LAST BUS OF THE DAY to get to that stupid book store. "Bus #960c/Bishop Ranch at 6:37 pm (last bus of the day)" That's after leaving San Francisco 2 hours ahead of time to get to you. Now how will we get back to San Francisco? Max, I love you, buy your books, tell other people to buy your books, but I'm not walking on a darkened road in a bedroom community to get back to BART to return to San Francisco. Not for you. Not for anyone. Tell your organizers that Danville is a bedroom community, filled with commuters, who most likely work for corporations that you write about in "Company". They most likely don't have time to read a book because they have a hellish commute TO San Francisco. ARRRGH! Why didn't your organizers schedule you at Stacys Bookstore. It's in down town San Francisco. You could have caught the business crowd before they drove home to Danville and those of us who reduced our carbon footprint by being mass transit riders could have reached you easily.

I won't see you. I'm very bummed.

Matt (#61)

Location: Chicago
Posted: 6256 days ago

Max I'm thrilled that you'll be in Chicago. Incidentally, the book club at my College discussed Jennifer Government today. See you in Chicago.

Machine Man subscriber Katrina (#847)

Location: SF, CA
Quote: "Good sex is like good Bridge: if you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand." -- Mae West"
Posted: 6256 days ago

Actually, I'll volunteer to take people back to SF if someone needs it. Carpooling would be better then going it alone anyways.

If someone wants a ride back, let me know. I suppose you'll have to email me, [email protected] (Please don't make me go all the way to the Sunset :P)

Machine Man subscriber David (#1456)

Location: Sydney, Australia
Quote: "Why are the pretty ones always insane?"
Posted: 6256 days ago

Have a great US tour Max. As to new security protocols - oh the probing! The anal probing...

Rod McBride (#688)

Location: Gardner, KS
Quote: ""
Posted: 6256 days ago

For crying out loud, no Kansas City? Nothing even in the vicinity?

They send us great contemporary writers all the time. Chuck Palahniuk, David Sedaris, etc. Max Barry is a great contemporary writer, therefore he should be coming in to Unity Temple like the others.

Hell, you don't even have to be great: John Irving isn't great and he hits Unity Temple every time he publishes a 900 page account of his sexual hangups.

Robbie (#2694)

Location: In the great (almost) unknown state of Tennessee
Quote: "Don't meddle in the affairs of dragons for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup."
Posted: 6256 days ago

The nearest place is Illinois. I'm going to cry now.

Go somewhere in Tennesse! Like Martin of South Fulton.

I haven't seen one of your books. Therefore you must come and illuminate this redneck area!

Jen Smith (#2659)

Location: Madison, Wis., USA
Posted: 6256 days ago

Though I have absolutely nothing to do with it, I feel somehow proud that you're making two stops in Wisconsin -- one of them a mere mile or so from my house in Madison. Looking forward to it!

austin (#2462)

Location: rhode island
Quote: "hmmm...bleh..."
Posted: 6256 days ago

Why Wisconsin twice? Why?

Katy (#2345)

Location: Los Angeles
Posted: 6255 days ago


Also, I didn't know the pledge of allegiance had a tune...

*I think he's making it up*

Don't bring liquids!!


I just looked at your LA date. I'm in New York then.
You have to change it.
I don't know you or anything, but maybe you could do me this favor of postponing LA for, like, two days, even. Capiche?

blab (#1632)

Location: The Sandwich Isles
Quote: "Adventure is just poor planning"
Posted: 6255 days ago

Moan. My city -- dissed again. Max, you can't possibly talk them into a stop off in Hawaii, can you? I mean, it's on the way to and from !

Machine Man subscriber David (#1456)

Location: Sydney, Australia
Quote: "Why are the pretty ones always insane?"
Posted: 6255 days ago

Psst, wanna know what Max's new book is called?

When you Americans see him on his LA to Danville world tour you might like to ask him why he's happy to tell a press hack something he kept from us, his uber loyal blog slaves. Then hurt him :-)

Machine Man subscriber Max

Location: Melbourne, Australia
Quote: "I'm my number one fan!"
Posted: 6255 days ago

Heh, well spotted David.

Although in my defense, it's a working title. And technically I mentioned it first here on November 30, 2006... just very obliquely.

Jeffrey (#2286)

Location: Right here
Quote: "Mathematics is a powerful language. Just look at how mathematicians destroyed the housing market."
Posted: 6255 days ago

this tour sucks. I demand a re-tour! lol

Amy (#3004)

Location: Wollongong, Australia
Quote: ""Perception is Reality" =P"
Posted: 6254 days ago

This has nothing to do with tours, but i saw your inteview in the Sydney Morning Herald, and I just want to say I live in Australia, and I know who you are! So that should count :D

Anyway, get some Aussie tours underway!

Joseph (#1825)

Location: Jeffersonville, Indiana, USA
Quote: "With a gun barrel between your teeth, you speak only in vowels."
Posted: 6252 days ago

I'm glad your comming to the states and within a 6 hour driving distance of me.

On another note, You do realise that now you have mentioned the words America, Terroists, and Prison systems in your blog. Now you will be "randomly selected" for an extra secure screening. Then detained for a long peroid of time without being charged for a crime for the suspicious behavoir of using the word Terroist and probablly get some where in the picture the proper pronunciation of the word Nuclear as a holding statement. This won't be a charge against you, but you will be detained. Damn Patriot Act!

All Grammarical errors, made up words, and improper spellings are credited to the No Child Left Behind Act of G.W.Bush. Remeber kids, you don't have to try in school to graduate and get a diploma, It's your right to have it.

Welcome to America. Again.

Niccalo (#2313)

Location: Duluth, GA
Quote: ""STOP! Don't Shoot!""
Posted: 6252 days ago

How cool is this...he cancels Ann Arbor Michigan and ruin's my year, only to find out he'll be in Colorado on the week I have to be there on business. SEE YA MONDAY 3-26!

shabooty (#637)

Location: D.C./V.A/M.D.
Quote: "I will shake your foundation. I will shake the f**cking rafters. Nobody'll be the same -Danny Bonaduce ....& go visit my blog @:"
Posted: 6251 days ago

I wonder if Max draws hot chicks to his book readings... even more reason to be annoyed that he ain't coming to DC (:

Machine Man subscriber Randy (#2374)

Location: Ravena, NY
Quote: "I could write a book about being lazy. I just don't feel like it."
Posted: 6250 days ago

I would have guessed that New York City would have been worthy of a stop. Oh, well. Maybe next time. Enjoy the trip.

Col Counsell (#1836)

Location: Australia
Quote: "It takes a lot of thought - and effort - and downright determinaton to be agreeable (Ray Everson)"
Posted: 6247 days ago

Today my friends, is the 18th of March. It is the 34th birthday of my stepson Max. It is also that one day in the year when I contemplate the many wonderful skills and abilities possessed by our favourite author. His incredible wit, creative genius, high intellect and broad range of knowledge, combined with a wonderful sense of good will towards his fellow travellers in this dimension, make him without question, an outstanding human being. Even his physical presence and build are to be admired.

Today also happens to be the day when I have my annual visit to the dark side, when I reflect on my own personal deficiencies and shortcomings and ask myself the obvious question.


This question prompts, or should I say did prompt, much consternation with me, until Friday that is. You see, on Friday, my wife (Max's mum) brought home a birthday card outlining so many of Max's fine attributes in some detail. My heart sank, my chest tightened as I was awakened to the looming depression associated with Max's birthday each year. Then, suddenly the words on the card sank in.

'Anyone who is born on the eighteenth of the month has these wonderful qualities!'

The penny dropped - this is pure luck - Max was born lucky - I wasn't - it all made sense. He was born on the 18th, I was born on the 3rd! He drew the lucky number and all the benefits. I, on the other hand, drew the unlucky number, which in turn was also drawn - out of a barrel - by the Australian government, thus committing me to two years national service and placement at the gateway of the hell that was the Vietnam War.

So, my friends, the lesson to be learned from this experience is not to be too despondent when in the presence of genius or high achievers as it is all pure luck!
We arrive with a certain set of marbles and no matter how hard we play the game, it is unlikely that we will add to our collection unless, of course, we were born on the EIGHTEENTH!


Jessica Hodges (#3012)

Location: Baltimore, Maryland, USA
Posted: 6246 days ago

If they required foreigners to sing the National Anthem or recite the Pledge of Allegiance they wouldn't be able to find enough qualified customs agents to judge the would-be visitors. I can't imagine the training sessions involved in instituting a requirement like that. Of course, they probably wouldn't expect the agents to actually *memorize* it. They'd probably just give them cheat sheets. But then they have to teach them how to read....

Cory Cochran (#2196)

Location: MilwaukeeAusrin
Quote: "Don't Look Too Hard, Don't Think Too Often"
Posted: 6243 days ago

Att: Milwaukee MB Fans

The correct address is
Harry w Schwartz Bookshops
2262 S Kinnickinnic Ave, Milwaukee, 53207

See ya there Max!

The Publicist (#3021)

Location: New York, NY
Posted: 6243 days ago

Cory, thanks for that! I had the wrong Schwartz address. But I have it listed as Schwartz Bay View, which IS correct. Crowd the store!

Comments are now closed for this post.