MaxBarry.com
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Max Barry wrote the novels Syrup, Jennifer Government, Company, Machine Man, and Lexicon. He also created the game NationStates and once found a sock full of pennies.

Blog

Wed 07
Jun
2006

Be Afraid

Max This site has a few links to Amazon.com, so people can buy my books online. Amazon is pretty handy because it delivers to almost anywhere in the world, even strange, backward countries where some of my books would otherwise be unavailable, like Britain, or Australia. Amazon also kicks me back about 6.5% on the purchase price, which, if I have worked this out correctly, is actually more than I make in royalties on some editions.

Amazon pays this percentage not just on the items I link to directly, but also anything else a person picks up while they’re there. So if you follow a link to Company and, on impulse, add a pair of Haines Boxer Briefs to your shopping cart—as someone did—I get a percentage of that, too. A percentage of the price, I mean. Not a percentage of the briefs. Because that would be weird.

You see where I’m going with this. Obviously there is some fascination in looking at exactly what people are buying along with their Jennifer Governments and Syrups. (I can’t tell who bought any particular item, of course. I’d need to be a government employee concerned about terrorism to learn that. All I know is that someone did.) It’s fascinating because people buy some really weird things.

Oh, most are logical enough. Serenity DVDs and Chuck Palahniuk novels, for example; I can see why someone who’d been reading my site might want to pick those up. But sometimes… well, see for yourself.

This is what somebody—I feel fairly confident it’s a single person—bought from Amazon via my site recently:

Now you know what to do if a person wearing this approaches you one dark night. That’s right: you say, “Hey, are you a Max Barry fan too?” It could save your life.

Comments

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Ruth (#288)

Location: Bath, United Kingdom
Quote: "Only the insane have strength enough to prosper. Only those who prosper may truly judge what is sane."
Posted: 4914 days ago

Sounds like the kind of conspiracy theorist who thinks everything in your novels is coming true tomorrow and they need to prepare the revolution in response...

Gregory Rubin (#72)

Location: Seattle, WA
Quote: "SSIMB!"
Posted: 4914 days ago

Would you believe me if I said that it was me?

Morzaria (#463)

Location: Bangalore, India, well, most of the time atleast...
Quote: "We are gonna run run run to the cities of the future.."
Posted: 4914 days ago

Some guy who thinks he's Billy NRA.

shabooty (#637)

Location: D.C./V.A/M.D.
Quote: "I will shake your foundation. I will shake the f**cking rafters. Nobody'll be the same -Danny Bonaduce ....& go visit my blog @: http://www.shabooty.com"
Posted: 4914 days ago

lol...phear
sounds like the marine that Clay Aiken allegedy slept with (and dominated in bed)
:p

Hobbie (#1359)

Location: Cornwall, England
Quote: "There was a little man in his hair!"
Posted: 4913 days ago

Well balls... I really didn't want the whole internet knowing about my nocturnal activities. I might have to track down everyone who reads this blog and kill them now... you know, for their own good.

bob (#2120)

Location: silicon valley
Quote: "they talked in papery whispers."
Posted: 4913 days ago

Can't believe I am the only one--this includes you, Max--who has had the thought that maybe the purchase was for a military person who is in Iraq or Afghanistan.

Sad reality of those nasty messes is that, in plenty of cases, the gov't has not provided the equipment and gear people desperately need.

Machine Man subscriber Adam (#24)

Location: Morristown, Indiana
Quote: "Why do I blog? Simple, because Max Barry blogs."
Posted: 4913 days ago

Wed. June 7, 2006

DEAR RAT

I recently stumbled upon a paper that I wrote in the third grade. The directions are as follows: "There is a mouse living in your desk at night. Write a letter to him. He will read it when you get home!"

Here was my response...

"Dear rat,

Get out of my desk or I will kick you, hit you, and hurt you very badly. Tomorrow, I will bring mouse traps to school and put them all over my desk. If that doesn't work, I will take mouse killer and spray it all all over my desk. If you eat my homework, I will kill you slowly and painfully. If you want to die, you can eat my homework. I hope you had a nice time reaing this.

Sincerely,
adam"

I thought that was rather amusing...

-adam

Kevin R (#500)

Location: MD, USA
Quote: ""the" - Max Barry"
Posted: 4913 days ago

Hmmm...well next time I buy stuff on amazon, I'll go through Max's links...although I'm already confident he wears a monocle, lives in a castle, and flies around in a biplane.

Machine Man subscriber Alan W (#1427)

Location: Spokane, Washington
Quote: "Corgis are like potato chips"
Posted: 4913 days ago

I think we should make this the official uniform for Max barry fans, whenever he does a book tour, we will wear this garb to the events so he can identify the -real- fans!

Yubi Shines (#1664)

Location: Canada
Quote: "HOPE RIDES ALONE!"
Posted: 4913 days ago

Hmmmmm... Now I'm wondering about any OTHER bizarre purchases made from the link on this site.

Rod McBride (#688)

Location: Gardner, KS
Quote: "www.MidwestRockLobster.blogspot.com"
Posted: 4913 days ago

6.5% is pretty good. I think I bought 'Apathy' and 'All Likkered Up' after following the link when you raved about that book.

Which was awesome. Good on you.

David (#1848)

Location: Texas
Quote: "Delighted!"
Posted: 4913 days ago

But what will we call ourselves? Not trekies, but maxies? Barry-O's?

If members of the US military have to buy their berets on Amazon, things must be worse than I thought. I think it's just some dude. But don't worry, Max, he was probably already like that BEFORE he read your books.

Be nice if you could browse through that kind of information in the normal course of making an online purchase. I think it would be cool and scary, and it would save conformists a lot of time.

David (#1848)

Location: Texas
Quote: "Delighted!"
Posted: 4913 days ago

Duh, I guess a beret is not the same things as a beanie, is it? Nevermind.

Yenzo (#829)

Location: Secret underwater pyramid base in the Pacific
Quote: "In order to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe (Carl Sagan)"
Posted: 4913 days ago

Well, I just guess that Kiefer Sutherland is a fan of yours and walks around in his spare time the same way he does on 24.

But hey everybody, how bout we do Max a little favor and all buy this, together with one of his books:

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00092GW2O/qid=1149769260/sr=8-7/ref=pd_bbs_7/102-0761330-6072941?%5Fencoding=UTF8&v=glance&n=3760901

Come on... you know you want it. Gonna help you get up in the morning. And Max will get what, like $150 each time?

Monkeywright (#1732)

Location: Los Angeles, Californi-YARGH!
Quote: ""China is Here?" I don't even know what the hell that means! - PS - visit scenic www.monkeywright.com"
Posted: 4912 days ago

Now now, if we REALLY want Max to make money, and we want a nice accessory to go with our bulletproof vest and assault gear, why don't we get a fleet of THESE?

BADONKADONK!
If the link below doesn't work, search for badonkadonk on amazon - oddly, it comes up when you search for RAZR as well...

<a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/B00067F1CE/sr=8-9/qid=1149810868/ref=pd_bbs_9/104-0131343-1729578?%5Fencoding=UTF8&v=glance">BADONKADONK!</a>

Lapse (#86)

Location: Brisbane Australia
Quote: "You're adopted and we hate you."
Posted: 4912 days ago

Salusa:
For some reason it is just kin da hard to imagine a person with a nnose as big as yours playing commando... it'd be somthing similar to Corporal Klinger from M*A*S*H... But i guess it would add to the air of mystery surrounding you:

Yenzo: come to think of it I could always use a personal defib... I believe I am actually lisenced to use that one aswell... (although anyone with a funtional ear and finger would be able to)

Yubi Shines (#1664)

Location: Canada
Quote: "HOPE RIDES ALONE!"
Posted: 4910 days ago

Holy cardiac arrest, Batman! That's one heck of a table breaking link.

CameoAppearance (#2439)

Location: Vancouver, BC
Quote: "Please tell me I'm not related to these people."
Posted: 4906 days ago

"I think we should make this the official uniform for Max barry fans, whenever he does a book tour, we will wear this garb to the events so he can identify the -real- fans!"

But I look horrible in aviator sunglasses...

Machine Man subscriber Craig Barron (#1276)

Location: Leeds, UK.
Quote: "“Trust Elizabeth to get upset over a donut.”"
Posted: 4888 days ago

Apathy

hehe
Now if you click on the:
Ultra Force Marine Corps Style Nylon Q.R. Pistol Belt, Olive, Medium www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/B0009EKR46/theofficimaxxbar

link you get:
You may also be interested in these items...
Apathy and Other Small Victories !!!

Gunna be loads of Max Barry fan clones reading Apathy!

Starnge world man!

KaelSeoras (#2580)

Posted: 4854 days ago

* 5.11 Tactical Unisex Concealable Gear Vest
* Genuine Military New Issue Marine Corps Style Nylon Quick Release Pistol Belt (Olive)
* Elite Metal Aviator Sunglasses with Mirror Lens
* Short Beanie / Dk. Grey
lol way to be subtle about it, getting that all from the same site. Obviously an amateur at...whatever he was planning to do o.O

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