The War on He
I
was reasonably confident we had this whole gender inequality thing licked,
until I fathered a girl. I mean, I was aware things were
not perfect. I worked in corporate-land; women were clearly held to different
standards than men. But still: close enough, I thought. In the grand scheme,
there were bigger problems.
Now I realize the smallest hint of sex discrimination is A GLOBAL CONSPIRACY TARGETING MY DAUGHTER. And it’s everywhere. Why is every animal assumed to be male? Why is “he” used interchangeably with “it” in a great swathe of children’s picture books? I’ll tell you why: because male is the default setting for everything, unless it’s soft and pink. Or a cat. I’m not sure why cats are the exception. But everything else is “he.”
I realized this was a problem when Fin began naming her teddies. I don’t mind her having boy teddies. Boy teddies are fine, in limited quantities. But she thought almost all of them were all boy teddies. That didn’t seem right. I realized I was doing that thing: using “he” as default. I had imprinted her.
So I switched defaults. It’s a simple rule: you assume that everything is female unless there’s clear evidence to the contrary. Animals, teddies, unseen car drivers: all girls. It proved surprisingly difficult. I’ve been doing it about a year and I still sometimes slip up.
I also began converting Fin’s teddies. Now, possibly I’m teaching her that boys sometimes spontaneously turn into girls. But I had to do something about that men’s club. She’s picked up on it: many of them now waver between male and female, according to Fin, and a few I think I’ve turned completely.
Just the other day we saw a dog in the street and Fin asked if it was a boy or a girl. I asked what she thought. “I think it’s a girl,” she said. That was new.
That’s why all my examples now are going to be “she.” I used to try to mix it up: a “he” example here, a “she” example there. To, you know, be balanced. But now I realize the world is full of “he.” I don’t need to add any more.
Next I plan to father an illegitimate child with a Kenyan and discover we still haven’t solved racism.
P.S. Last day of Movember! I’m so happy; I finally get to shave off this monstrosity. Look at me! I’m a broken man.
Comments
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Daniel DiFranco (#243)
Location: Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, USA
Quote: "Panic Years, a novel, out now."
Posted: 6006 days ago
Max, you're the coolest writer around because you do this.
And you are now a she. Don't thank me,..just doin' m'part.
Dan, member 243
Kalle (#1278)
Quote: "Sex is herital. If your parents never had it, chanses are you'll never have it either."
Posted: 6006 days ago
Location: England
Quote: "Eagerly awaiting the European Tour."
Posted: 6006 days ago
I am glad you're trying to teach Fin that not all teddies are boys :)
Caufman (#1791)
Location: Chicago, Illinois
Quote: "The Game."
Posted: 6006 days ago
Hobbie (#1359)
Location: Cornwall, England
Quote: "There was a little man in his hair!"
Posted: 6006 days ago
Jeffrey (#2286)
Location: Right here
Quote: "Mathematics is a powerful language. Just look at how mathematicians destroyed the housing market."
Posted: 6006 days ago
Location: Denver, CO
Quote: "[email protected]"
Posted: 6006 days ago
Tim (#3178)
Posted: 6006 days ago
Do you ever experience that thing where your daughter says, "Look, daddy, I'm a princess!" fully half of you wants to say, "Yes, you are sweetie." while the other half wants to say, "For the love of god, NOOOOOO!!!"
Brittany O. (#1688)
Location: Montana
Quote: "people are kind of overrated "
Posted: 6006 days ago
Oh and on all the gender things. Ever watch Gone in 60 Seconds. All cars are women. I am a woman and all my classic cars are women.
Mark Tran (#3249)
Location: Canada
Quote: "If you lived here, You'd be home."
Posted: 6006 days ago
Location: Rockford, IL
Quote: "Insert witty quote here."
Posted: 6005 days ago
Location: Rockford, IL
Quote: "Insert witty quote here."
Posted: 6005 days ago
Fractelle (#2998)
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posted: 6005 days ago
If I could grow a mo - am far too lacking in testosterone, but if I could I always found the slender Errol Flynn variety quite appealing - as far as mo's go of course.
On the worldwide default setting of 'he's' - a bugbear I have is that on all forms where gender is requested always male is listed before female, not alphabetical just more of the bias.
Congratulations on noticing - whenever I have brought same topic up with my loved one, he doesn't take me seriously - now I can shove your article in his face. I may even do a little dance.
Chris (#3581)
Location: Melb
Posted: 6005 days ago
It works. My daughter's nighmarishly confident and my son has been beaten into submission. but she lets us out of the laundry once a day to eat and stretch our muscles, so i can't complain. And we're planning a rebellion, and expect to overthrow our despot within the week. wish us luck.
Lisa (#3622)
Location: Massachusetts, USA
Posted: 6005 days ago
Well done on the stache as well; it looks ridiculous, but in a good cause.
Nematode (#3386)
Posted: 6005 days ago
Sophie (#891)
Location: Devon
Posted: 6005 days ago
Also, I'll look forward to reading more Max Barry books with female heroes and female side-characters and lots of conversations between women. It seems like in most media, all the female characters are either scarily personality-free, or obsessed with family/men/children. And, they never talk to each other. Sounds strange, but the next time you watch a movie, I bet there will be almost no actual discussions between two women. It's dehumanising. Start the revolution, Max! Or at least write an awesome satire about it.
Thankyou.
Joe (#2270)
Location: Campbell, CA, USA
Quote: "I'm subverting the system from the inside. I think."
Posted: 6005 days ago
My wife and I just rented "Get Smart" on Netflix. Crappy movie, though Anne Hathaway looks great, gets to be cool, and is the only female character with a significant speaking part. And this is typical; action movies often have a half-dozen significant male characters and one woman to be the babe.
Some female intellectual, I forget who, said that she didn't see movies because she had a rule that there had to be at least two strong female characters, who get to talk to each other, about something other than relationships with men. It's very hard to come up with films that pass this test.
towr (#1914)
Location: Netherlands
Posted: 6004 days ago
Maybe in your next book you can invent a catchy genderless personal pronoun, that'll show them.
Simon (#3192)
Location: Melbourne
Quote: "I'd rather be arrogant than wrong"
Posted: 6003 days ago
1001 Foods You Must Eat Before You Die
Is this the most alarming book title ever? What medical condition requires the consumption of 1001 foods to stave off death? And how quickly must they be eaten? I'd better go read that book!
Kit (#850)
Location: UK
Posted: 6001 days ago
Location: Sydney, Australia
Quote: "Why are the pretty ones always insane?"
Posted: 5999 days ago
Abgrund (#3357)
Location: Atlantis
Quote: ""Redeem your mind from the hockshops of authority." - Ayn Rand"
Posted: 5999 days ago
Plenty of times I've heard some feminazi proclaiming loudly that God Is A Woman! (tm). Why don't they claim Satan as well? Seems like that would be equally fair, and I know it's true because she ran me off the road yesterday and gave me the finger.
Location: the Stygian Empire
Quote: "Flesh is a design flaw."
Posted: 5994 days ago
HRJD (#3684)
Location: Northern Ireland
Quote: ""In a capitalist society, two wrongs do make a right.""
Posted: 5976 days ago
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