Fear the Beautiful
A while ago I watched The Biggest Loser. This is a TV show in which fat, unhappy people turn themselves into thin, self-satisfied assholes. Well, some of the contestants are assholes to begin with. They either stay the same, or turn into different kinds of assholes. The nice ones, though, it’s like watching Annakin Skywalker become Darth Vader: by the end they look cooler, but will destroy planets to get what they want.
Why is this? I suppose skinny people might be innately more evil than fat ones. But I don’t know. I mean, Mother Theresa. Or maybe it’s that attractive people are more evil. That sounds about right. (Again, Mother Theresa.) I’ve always been suspicious of very good-looking people. I think they should be microchipped and tracked, so we can keep an eye on what they’re up to. I would feel a lot better if I knew beautiful people were being monitored to make sure they weren’t skipping lines, getting out of speeding tickets, and having impromptu sex with flight attendants. If I can’t do those things, nobody should be allowed to.
But I can’t blame the Biggest Loser people for becoming pricks. If I abruptly became a lot hotter, I’d develop a huge ego and poorly-concealed contempt for my fellow man, too. I mean, even more so than now. That’s just the natural consequence of being able to look at yourself in the mirror and think, “Wow… I’m amazing.”
I keep hearing about the importance of self-esteem, but I’m not convinced. I think we may be underestimating the value of crippling self-doubt and insecurity. If you go to the beach, you’ll see a hairy, fat man in his 50s strolling by in a thong, while nearby a 20-year-old with the body of a movie star tugs at her skirt to make sure it’s covering thighs she thinks are too large or pale or freckled or god knows what. I don’t think it’s coincidence that human beings are afflicted with chronic lack of confidence just as they begin to scale the peak of their physical attractiveness: I think that’s the only thing stopping young people from taking over the world. Imagine how horrendous it would be if that 20-year-old had the self-confidence of the 50-year-old. No, not because of the thong. The thong would be fine, obviously. The problem would be that once she realized how vastly superior she looked compared to the rest of us, she and her young, beautiful friends would round the rest of us up and lock us in labor camps, where they wouldn’t have to look at us.
And we would let them, because they’re beautiful.
Comments
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Rod McBride (#688)
Location: Gardner, KS
Quote: "www.MidwestRockLobster.blogspot.com"
Posted: 6387 days ago
It's what accounts for all the Rick Ocasek/Paulina Porizkova couples in the world.
metalbiteme (#1495)
Location: WALES UK
Quote: "Welcome to nowhere fast. Nothing here ever lasts."
Posted: 6387 days ago
They are just saying that so they get praise.
James Heath (#1846)
Location: Nottingham, England
Quote: ""I've done it before and I'll do it again - I'll F***ing Kill Google!" - Steve Ballmer"
Posted: 6387 days ago
Angela (#3109)
Location: Ithaca, NY, USA
Posted: 6387 days ago
Or, maybe they get stage directions about being assholes, because viewers would reject a show where nice people got to be pretty as well. It's almost like we accept their good fortunate because we assume they had to sacrifice something important to get it.
Jockey (#142)
Location: Chicago
Quote: "Ooops, that was my insulin inhaler."
Posted: 6387 days ago
austin (#2462)
Location: rhode island
Quote: "hmmm...bleh..."
Posted: 6387 days ago
shabooty (#637)
Location: D.C./V.A/M.D.
Quote: "I will shake your foundation. I will shake the f**cking rafters. Nobody'll be the same -Danny Bonaduce ....& go visit my blog @: http://www.shabooty.com"
Posted: 6387 days ago
Duncan (#1311)
Location: The Free Web
Quote: "One does not establish a dictatorship in order to safeguard a revolution; one makes the revolution in order to establish the dictatorship."
Posted: 6386 days ago
Cory Lavalette (#52)
Location: Raleigh, N.C., USA
Quote: ""When Will Jesus Bring The Pork Chops?""
Posted: 6386 days ago
Jeffrey (#2286)
Location: Right here
Quote: "Mathematics is a powerful language. Just look at how mathematicians destroyed the housing market."
Posted: 6386 days ago
Sudi (#2895)
Location: Ithaca, 10 square miles surrounded by reality
Quote: "Mostly lucid"
Posted: 6386 days ago
Greg Karber (#1568)
Location: gregkarber.com
Posted: 6386 days ago
I've read your short stories. I know you.
David (#1456)
Location: Sydney, Australia
Quote: "Why are the pretty ones always insane?"
Posted: 6386 days ago
Roger (#1653)
Posted: 6386 days ago
"Evil! Evil! Impolite and evil!"
The sketch was more about the Son of Satan rather than beautiful people, but I think it's fitting nonetheless.
Donnie (#1282)
Location: Etobicoke, close to where the passenger pigeons used to migrate
Quote: "Mockery is the highest form of flattery."
Posted: 6386 days ago
Dammit, it's scary how you and I are on the same wavelength sometimes... just when I think I'm the only one thinking something and then you will write about it. I'm probably exaggerating (just a little), but I too am scared of the beautiful people, and living in a large urban city like Toronto as good weather comes to town makes me feel kind of helpless and euphoric at the same time. Now that I'm "over the hill" (thirty-one) I know I can't compete, but something compels me to think I'm supposed to be trying harder to be like "them".
Is a beautiful fat person an even greater monstrousity? (sorry I couldn't be bothered to look up the spelling of that word) or if I'm fat and I think I'm beautiful too does that just make me a bigger asshole?
Signed,
Putting on the Pounds
Katy (#2345)
Location: Los Angeles
Posted: 6385 days ago
Lottie (#3093)
Location: Sheffield, UK
Posted: 6384 days ago
Jak (#2464)
Quote: "The Straight-Jacket makes it hard to type."
Posted: 6384 days ago
Whats up with that.
Richard (#2051)
Location: Boulder, CO
Quote: "...I may not like you, but because some town in Switzerland says so, you have rights!"
Posted: 6383 days ago
Justin (#2009)
Location: Halfmoon, NY
Quote: "Max(x) is awesome!"
Posted: 6383 days ago
Jak (#2464)
Quote: "The Straight-Jacket makes it hard to type."
Posted: 6382 days ago
Its just interesting that many people in power look terrible.
I think peoples lack of self-esteem in "image" leads the to compensate in other areas.
Dustin (#2291)
Location: California
Quote: "There's no sense crying over every mistake, you just keep on trying till you run out of cake" - GLaDOS"
Posted: 6361 days ago
Becci (#3144)
Location: England
Quote: "You ain't got alot, but it's all that you've got and you can turn it into more than it seems!"
Posted: 6359 days ago
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