Feel the Love
I was starting to get worried: it had been almost two weeks of near-constant praise. That’s just not natural. Fortunately, this morning a breath of fresh air blew into my Inbox: a letter from Mike.
Dear Max,
I have played NationStates for quite some time and, after listening to your interview on NPR this morning, my assumptions about you were proven startingly correct. I assumed that you were a pretentious snob who is an ego-aggrandizer because your book reviews are consistently negative yet you continue to produce such infantile drivel with such a delusionary sense of accomplishment and self-importance. What you fail to realize is that your “insights” are nothing more than a few whiney complaints of a mal-adjusted mal content who has failed to cut it in the real world. Your comments on NPR, which in my opinion coddles this approach to life, were nothing short of predictable.
I like how Mike’s assumptions were so accurate that even he is startled by just how on target he was. He must have even nailed my accent. His next sentence is a little less clear; I’m not sure how “consistently negative” reviews would lead to me being an egomaniac. That would work work the other way around, wouldn’t it? And I can’t back him on “failed to cut it in the real world;” I mean, I’m not living on government subsidies, here, Mike. But I am impressed that he listens to NPR even though he doesn’t like it. Put this together with his willingness to write to authors to tell them how bad they are, and you have a man who isn’t afraid to confront what he disagrees with and set it straight. I appreciate that kind of directness, and I’m sure Mike does, too.
Let me make a connection between this attitude in your book and this attitude in nationstates. You have created a game in which, much to the difficulty of many Americans (such as myself) to comprehend, the game operators such as yourself rule as their judges of themselves and of their own actions…
This goes on for a bit and after a while even I lost track of what he was talking about. But I gather it’s his main point, because he starts writing IN ALL CAPS and swearing. Most of my hate mail is from NationStates players, which is something I’ve never been able to work out: if anyone is entitled to yell at me, surely it’s the person who shelled out twenty bucks for a book she didn’t like, not the guy who has spent the last year playing my web game for free. But for some reason it doesn’t work like this.
Mike closes with:
I strongly suggest that you get it together, Max. Time for a change, perhaps?
Mike US of A
Mike! Thank you for your e-mail. It’s been so long since someone roundly abused me for nothing in particular that I was starting to get nostalgic. I appreciate your advice, although I am not sure what you are recommending. But in any case, it brightened my day, because now I feel as if a little balance has re-entered my life, and I didn’t have to be hit by a bus to get it. Take care, Max.
Comments
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Phill Sacre (#1822)
Location: London, UK
Quote: "Computers are like air conditioners. Both stop working, if you open windows."
Posted: 6622 days ago
Wenke Li (#1208)
Location: near NYC
Quote: "Procrastination is not laziness."
Posted: 6622 days ago
Picto (#64)
Location: United Kingdom
Quote: "Who is more foolish, the child afraid of the dark or the man afraid of the light? - Maurice Freehill"
Posted: 6622 days ago
I never really understood hate mail. It's only for laughs.
Scott (#354)
Location: Grand Rapids, MI
Quote: "Max Barry tastes like awesome"
Posted: 6622 days ago
You're mean and I hate you and you smell funny and make people bad and feel bad you suck and should die because I hate you and you suck so much your writing sucks and you're bad and I HATE YOU because you are bad!
Love,
Scott
(Ok, this post isn't at all meant to be taken seriously. But it was kind of fun to write... you should be worried Max)
the-tine (#472)
Location: Pennsylvania, USA
Quote: "Coming soon to a planet near you."
Posted: 6622 days ago
Tim Ashwood (#595)
Location: Sydney
Posted: 6622 days ago
What? You can't see the connection?
shabooty (#637)
Location: D.C./V.A/M.D.
Quote: "I will shake your foundation. I will shake the f**cking rafters. Nobody'll be the same -Danny Bonaduce ....& go visit my blog @: http://www.shabooty.com"
Posted: 6622 days ago
does that count?
(actually I just said you were yenta-er-ing it up...)
:)
Kristen (#1157)
Location: Jersey
Quote: "Insert quotation here."
Posted: 6622 days ago
Rob H (#2200)
Location: Melbourne
Posted: 6622 days ago
This guy sounds stern. Better pull your socks up, Max.
Emily (#609)
Location: New York
Quote: "When in doubt, fuck it. When not in doubt, get in doubt!"
Posted: 6622 days ago
Oh, I get it: Americans, make ethical decisions? Ha! Of course, Max, how very foolish of you. It's just way too complicated a concept for us.
Hate mail is so thrilling. I have only received serious hate mail once, for supporting the political views of Tim Robbins (...), and I am happy to report that I stole unabashedly from Jennifer Government's ScaryJohn (as opposed to CrumpetToasterJohn) in my response, which said: "Fuck off. Emily." Worked quite well, too.
I digress.
Love from us!
-Em
Laura (#1040)
Posted: 6622 days ago
Katrina (#847)
Location: SF, CA
Quote: "Good sex is like good Bridge: if you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand." -- Mae West"
Posted: 6622 days ago
US of A.... why doesn't he just take the time to *spell*
Aaron Doucet (#733)
Location: Canada (Sorry)
Quote: "He'd never seen so many expensive pairs of shoes in one place."
Posted: 6622 days ago
Adam (#24)
Location: Morristown, Indiana
Quote: "Why do I blog? Simple, because Max Barry blogs."
Posted: 6622 days ago
MAN...I WISH I WERE POPULAR ENOUGH TO BE HATED!
I know...it sounds like an oxy moron but it's true. Whenever someone is "famous" they are automatically subject to hate mail and negative feedback. In my opinion, it is totally worth it. Negative attention is better than no attention at all.
Also, negative feedback is sometimes good for you. It helps you get in touch with reality. Even if a lot of the stuff isn't true. There is usually a little bit of truth.
ON A SIDE NOTE...
I still have my nation(adam the shrubber) from like three years ago. I have around 6.3 billion people.
-adam
Andrew Riley (#1970)
Location: Parker, Colorado, USA
Quote: "Predictions are difficult, especially about the future."
Posted: 6622 days ago
This guy probably thinks you're an egomaniac because your name is "MAX". He is clearly an angry person. But I am glad they're finally getting internet access in trailer parks.
SilverCloud (#2038)
Location: SANTA MONICA ,CA.U.S.A.
Quote: "Fortune Favors the Brave"
Posted: 6622 days ago
than that twits groping brain cells.
I enjoyed N.S., the only draw back was having to deal with
little schits like what's his name.
It's good to see you have a well rounded sense of humor.
SilverCloud
Rod McBride (#688)
Location: Gardner, KS
Quote: "www.MidwestRockLobster.blogspot.com"
Posted: 6622 days ago
A 'maladjusted mal content?' Pullleeze!
But to echo sentiments above, I am jealous that you get hate-mail. The best I do is the occasional summons, but a deputy blandly handing you papers saying you'd better find a smaller refrigerator carton to camp in lacks the drama of hate mail.
David (#1848)
Location: Texas
Quote: "Delighted!"
Posted: 6622 days ago
I kid, because I love.
Keep passing the open windows!
talk less. say more. (#1942)
Location: tampa, florida
Quote: "talk less. say more."
Posted: 6622 days ago
that is all.
Emmaus (#1692)
Location: North Carolina, USA
Quote: "How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?"
Posted: 6622 days ago
PS, reading Company between routes and it definitely makes me wish I had more downtime at work.
Caufman (#1791)
Location: Chicago, Illinois
Quote: "The Game."
Posted: 6622 days ago
http://marketplace.publicradio.org/shows/2006/02/06/AM200602068.html
I think Mike just wanted to be in the news. Praise and fanmail is commonplace, but humorously angry hatemail, now that's something special.
Erika Muckerman (#1780)
Quote: ""A witty saying proves nothing." -Voltaire"
Posted: 6622 days ago
Karen (#2180)
Location: wishing I was at home
Quote: "Question authority, not your mother!"
Posted: 6621 days ago
Love the laughs, thanks!
Mick (#2190)
Location: East Coast, Australia
Posted: 6621 days ago
I've been visiting this site for over a year now, without realising Max is a fan of screenwriter Charlie Kaufman's work. I get a Google news alert whenever Kaufman is mentioned in an article, cos I run www.beingcharliekaufman.com (about to re-design it, too). So I was mightily impressed to follow a Google news link and discover that a) Max has been compared to Kaufman (in the NY Times piece, if memory serves) and b) Max not only knows who Kaufman is, but happens to be a fan.
Small world. PLUS, like Max, I am an Aussie. And also like Max, I happen to be a writer -- though slightly less successful at the moment. Which makes the world even smaller, in a way.
Cheers,
Mick.
Anita Heiney (#292)
Location: Richmond, VA USA
Quote: "I came. I signed up. I got an error."
Posted: 6621 days ago
Later,
Anita
PS How many people from USA actually write "US of A?" What a total hosebag.
Anita Heiney (#292)
Location: Richmond, VA USA
Quote: "I came. I signed up. I got an error."
Posted: 6621 days ago
a.
Bony Tony (#1343)
Location: United States
Posted: 6621 days ago
SEMOFWE
NO IM KIDDING
NO IM NOT
YES IM NOT
NOT I AM
...not not not not kidding
joshua beatty (#2151)
Location: west liberty, wv
Quote: "pizza rocks!"
Posted: 6621 days ago
Carly (#2091)
Posted: 6621 days ago
I am from the USA, and I totally 'get' the game- and I think it's a riot!
David (#1456)
Location: Sydney, Australia
Quote: "Why are the pretty ones always insane?"
Posted: 6621 days ago
I do find it hard to believe that it's really been a long time since you were "roundly abused me for nothing in particular" however. After all, you are married with children!
Cupie (#1396)
Location: Seattle-ish
Quote: ""You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think." -Dorothy Parker"
Posted: 6621 days ago
nick (#798)
Location: US
Posted: 6621 days ago
(it's great to hear your book is doing well and you're getting good reviews... i finally feel justified in singing your praises to others now that more important people than myself have done the same)
P.S. Company made for an excelent 18th birthday present for myself
Michael (#1299)
Location: Northern California
Quote: "Chugachugachoochoo"
Posted: 6620 days ago
I have a hard time trusting anyone that speaks for a whole nation. I don't seem to recall "Mike U S of A" being on the ballot for "National Web Representative" anytime in recent history, but perhaps it was below "county ham and cabbage warden" which was about where I stopped paying attention and simply stared trying to make pretty pictures with my punch card holes.
So I'd like to say I'm sorry if I did vote Mike US of A into office as National Web Rep. It wont happen again.
Signed,
The Not Crazy Michael who happens to live in, but is not a voted representative of, the USA.
Monkeywright (#1732)
Location: Los Angeles, Californi-YARGH!
Quote: ""China is Here?" I don't even know what the hell that means! - PS - visit scenic www.monkeywright.com"
Posted: 6619 days ago
But I love to see creative uses of improperly spelled curse words.(see how I avoided misspelling misspell? mispe...AH, CRAP!)
Kalle (#1278)
Quote: "Sex is herital. If your parents never had it, chanses are you'll never have it either."
Posted: 6618 days ago
Hobbie (#1359)
Location: Cornwall, England
Quote: "There was a little man in his hair!"
Posted: 6616 days ago
Lancer Kind (#1547)
Location: Redmond WA
Quote: "Be nice to the man with the gun."
Posted: 6616 days ago
chris (#2253)
Location: western hemisphere
Quote: "It should be possible to explain the laws of physics to a barmaid. - Albert Einstein"
Posted: 6609 days ago
Or maybe he's just jealous of the aussie accent.
Yoru (#732)
Location: Virginia, USA
Posted: 6595 days ago
Yubi Shines (#1664)
Location: Canada
Quote: "HOPE RIDES ALONE!"
Posted: 6576 days ago
Comments are now closed for this post.