Page 73.
Machine Man (serial)
I walked to my lab and swiped my way into the Glass Room. This was not the smartest idea, because I had been awake for twenty hours and could feel an adrenaline crash coming. But I didn’t want to lie in that room, alone but for a dead potted plant, staring at the ceiling. I didn’t want to wait for the inevitable ache to begin creeping into muscles I didn’t have. Most of all, I didn’t want to think about what I’d just asked Cassandra Cautery to do.
My lab assistants greeted me cordially, as always. I walked through to Lab 3, switched on the halogen lights, and lowered the Contours to a comfortable height before the workstation. Spread across the bench were many very delicate hand-fabricated metal parts. They didn’t look like anything much at the moment. But this was my hobby, on which I’d worked in between my project work over the last four weeks. As far as anyone else knew, it was project work. But it wasn’t. It was an idea I’d had. A present. I was making Lola a heart.





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Location: Cambridge, UK
Quote: "On the internet, nobody knows you're a dog"
Posted: 6331 days ago
I'm such an old romantic *blushes*.
"She will scream and try to run
But there's nowhere she can hide
When a crazy cyborg wants to make you his robot bride"
The Future Soon - Jonathan Coulton
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Quote: "Don't read this. It's not relevant to anything. Go away."
Posted: 6331 days ago
Location: Moe
Quote: "Fredzfrog"
Posted: 6331 days ago
Location: Darwin, Australia
Quote: "Inconceivable!"
Posted: 6331 days ago
Location: The Moon
Quote: "I like stuff..."
Posted: 6331 days ago
Transitions.
There are none between pages. (Well, only sometimes.)
Each page is a little chunk of story, that sometimes flows nicely from the last chunk, but lately its been lacking somewhat. We had 3 pages of Lola that flowed then suddenly out of the blue we had Cassandra for a page, and then he walks down to his lab.
Max, I know that this is your writing style, and you've done the same thing in your 3 printed books, but there you put an icon or graphic or just a simple horizontal line to show this jump in the stream of narration. It almost seems like you are taking advantage of the daily pages to provide this jump, which does not do it justice.
That said, I like the story so far.
Location: NZ
Quote: "I'm naked underneath my clothes"
Posted: 6331 days ago
Location: Sydney, Australia
Quote: "Why are the pretty ones always insane?"
Posted: 6331 days ago
Location: Alberta, Canada
Quote: "I don't wanna ride the elevator."
Posted: 6331 days ago
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Quote: "I'm my number one fan!"
Posted: 6331 days ago
That's not terrible, because a Friffhanger every week gets kind of cliched. But I feel I should admit I didn't really mean to end the week on this page.
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Quote: "I'm my number one fan!"
Posted: 6331 days ago
So I know what you mean, but the enforced break between each page is part of this format. It's something new for me, and I like the challenge of crafting these small, almost-self-contained scenes.
Location: Alberta, Canada
Quote: "I don't wanna ride the elevator."
Posted: 6330 days ago
BTW
@Max: Good to see you using the word your fans coined. Pev and Dabbeljuh will appreciate that, I am sure.
Location: The Moon
Quote: "I like stuff..."
Posted: 6330 days ago
I see your point. I only really noticed (and vented) when I looked back at the previous pages to refresh my memory of what had just happened, and the Cassandra page just seemed like it was dropped in.
I forgot to mention earlier that this page did have a transition by saying he walked down to his lab. Time and space can be hard to judge in this story sometimes due to the serial nature of it.
Location: Sydney
Quote: "vote with your wallet"
Posted: 6329 days ago
Location: Alberta, Canada
Quote: "I don't wanna ride the elevator."
Posted: 6329 days ago
Location: London, England
Quote: "We're today's scrambled creatures, locked in tomorrow's double feature"
Posted: 6328 days ago
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