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Page 169.
Machine Man (serial)
CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE

“Lola! Oh, Lola, Lola, I thought you were move out of the way.” The end of this sentence surprised me. That wasn’t what I had meant to say. “I thought you were dead. I thought Carl killed you.”

“You shot him,” Lola said. It was true. I could see Carl a little better now, and he must have used those metal arms to try to defend himself, because they were battered and torn, but not effectively enough, because so was a lot of his torso. His eyes glittered in the dark. Finish him, said my parts. He’s sneaky.

“Lola, come here.” I held out my arm to Lola, the one that didn’t carry ammunition. “He’s dangerous.”

“He’s not dangerous.”

“He is.” My legs hopped forward, and it took an act of will to reign them in. “He’s been running around trying to kill me. He blew up Better Future. And he kidnapped you.”

Lola shook her head. I was very happy to see Lola alive, but this was rapidly dampening the longer she took to run into my arms. I wasn’t sure what Lola thought was happening here. I wasn’t sure she realized what I had gone through. “Carl didn’t kidnap me. He rescued me.”

169.

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Comments

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Machine Man subscriber Robert Dillette (#2827)

Location: Brisbane, QLD
Quote: "Cante Jondo and The Blues; Popular suffering raised to a high art."
Posted: 6142 days ago

Max, I'm sure it goes without saying...

"I thought you were move out of the way."

Happy Monday. :P

Machine Man subscriber Topher Cox (#3402)

Location: Colorado
Quote: "Fiend is like Friend without the "R.""
Posted: 6142 days ago

Robert, I'm pretty sure that's intentional, it could probably do with a dash in it though. My understanding is he was saying he's relieved Lola's okay, but then is already being distracted by his "KILL CARL" rage and moves on to making her move so he can "FINISH HIM."

Machine Man subscriber Toby O (#2900)

Location: Sydney
Quote: "vote with your wallet"
Posted: 6142 days ago

YES!

Machine Man subscriber Justin (#3965)

Location: USA
Quote: "It has been my experience that certain men get ahead during the time that others waste. - Henry Ford"
Posted: 6142 days ago

Yes, the sentence needs a dash.

How can she move out of the way if she is a part of Carl? What's up with Charlie's perception?

Machine Man subscriber Alex (#237)

Location: London, England
Quote: "We're today's scrambled creatures, locked in tomorrow's double feature"
Posted: 6142 days ago

Errrm, I think it reads okay as it's written exactly as Charlie said it.

Poor Charlie. Pwnd by Better Future big time!

Machine Man subscriber coolpillows (#3749)

Location: new york general sort of vicinity
Quote: ""It's not working" -- Joseph Clark"
Posted: 6142 days ago

At least I'm not a poor reader. I too was confused/intrigued with last week's Friffhanger. That section of Carl's body...is Lola?? I thought, "Oh boy...it's one of those impossible plot twists: 'The villain is the girlfriend is the hero who is really the guy who has been providing clues all along and is also the narrator...and...."

Well, now that's resolved...it's just a twisted pile o' wreckage...all 3 characters Carl, Charlie and Lola made up of robotic parts...all checking each other out. No wonder it's messy...visually and grammatically.

Machine Man subscriber Len (#4292)

Posted: 6142 days ago

I like to use an ellipsis to ... indicate ... a Shatner-like pause.

Perhaps that's incorrect, but it's easier to discern while reading text without the benefit of William saying it for us.

( How else does a drunk man read cue cards? )

Well, she doesn't know 'Better Future' sees and hears everything, via his new abdomen. So he's about to be shutdown or remotely control him to blast her to protoplasma.

Other thing is, it seems these limbs can function independently. So why exactly are there Cyborg agendas? Ah, the title, 'Machine Man'.

Machine Man subscriber Justin (#3965)

Location: USA
Quote: "It has been my experience that certain men get ahead during the time that others waste. - Henry Ford"
Posted: 6142 days ago

I don't think that Max should get too carried away with the whole "computer/machine evolving into self-willed higher intelligence" theme.

A dash - is the proper grammatical element for indicating a pause or stutter.

Machine Man subscriber Yannick (#3858)

Location: Heist, Belgium
Quote: "he reads things"
Posted: 6141 days ago

@Justin: that's the whole point, I don't think there SHOULD be a stutter in that sentence. Charlie was just casually talking when out of nowhere his artificial parts jumped in and finished what he was saying.

I think the whole thing is very metonymic for how Charlie perceives the situation, i.e. "wait what?". The lack of any punctuation in mid-sentence perfectly demonstrates that.

I'm actually more worried about Lola's behaviour in all this, I really understand Charlie here.

Machine Man subscriber gstein42 (#585)

Location: 127.0.0.1
Quote: "That's not change! That's more of the same!"
Posted: 6141 days ago

Rule #4: Double tap

Machine Man subscriber gstein42 (#585)

Location: 127.0.0.1
Quote: "That's not change! That's more of the same!"
Posted: 6141 days ago

@gStein- rule #2, not that it matters that much.

Machine Man subscriber Xdrngy (#4517)

Location: Massachusetts
Posted: 6141 days ago

I second Toby O's emotion

also I think it is obvious the artificial intelligence of his parts is becoming a very important part of the story. Thank god Charlie didn't get around to building his mind control helmet before he ran off... (hint hint reccomend something happens with that :) )

Machine Man subscriber Ted (#4023)

Location: Ohio, USA
Quote: "There is a guy in Lab Control who once killed a woman with his car, and he gets invited to parties. I don’t understand that."
Posted: 6141 days ago

Oh snap.

Machine Man subscriber Bushra (#36)

Location: Fremont, California
Quote: "www.caffeinatedmuslim.com"
Posted: 6141 days ago

Finally caught up! Good story Max:)

Machine Man subscriber Justin (#3965)

Location: USA
Quote: "It has been my experience that certain men get ahead during the time that others waste. - Henry Ford"
Posted: 6141 days ago

Perhaps then it could be written this way:

"Lola! Oh, Lola, Lola, I thought you were," I started, "move out of the way." The end of this sentence surprised me.

Machine Man subscriber Jarrad (#837)

Location: Hobart
Posted: 6141 days ago

The important bit is "That wasn’t what I had meant to say."
He realised the mistake, no need to harp on about how it cnfused you for a millisecond, people!

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