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Max Barry wrote the novels Syrup, Jennifer Government, Company, Machine Man, and Lexicon. He also created the game NationStates and once found a sock full of pennies.

Blog

Thu 22
Feb
2007

walkthrough reqd pls thx

Max Pleased FinMy daughter has started to want things. Until now she has only needed things. Here is the difference:

Scenario A: Fin Needs Something
Fin: “Mmmrrraaaaaa.”
Me: “It must be lunch time. Let’s get you some food.”

Scenario B: Fin Wants Something
Fin: “Book? Book?”
Me: “No book, it’s time for lunch.”
Fin: “Book? Book? Book?”
Me: “No, honey.”
Fin: “Book? Book? Book? Book? Book? Book? Book? Book?”

For a while now I have thought of raising Fin like a video game. You start off with fairly simple tasks to accomplish, to help you get a hang of the basic controls. Thereafter you encounter obstacles of steadily increasing difficulty.

The only real difference is that if you fail a level, you don’t get to go back and try it again. Instead, all of that level’s monsters follow you to the next one. Oh, and you get no power-ups.

Here are the levels I think I’ve completed so far:

Level 1: Don’t Drop Me
Level 2: Keep Me Warm But Not Too Warm
Level 3: Guess Why I’m Crying
Level 4: I Did A Poo In My Pants
Level 5: Food
Level 6: Try To Make Me Sleep
Level 7: Guess What I Just Put In My Mouth
Level 8: I Have Noticed That You Do What I Want When I Cry
Level 9: Biting Is Fun
Level 10: Am I Sick?
Level 11: I Can Reach Your Valuables
Level 12: But I Don’t Want To Wear Pants
Level 13: I Can Climb On Things To Reach Your Valuables
Level 14: No
Level 15: My Education Depends On You Signing Me Up To A Good School’s Waiting List A Year Ago

Some future levels I’m expecting:

  • Why Don’t I Have A Penis?
  • But Mom Said I Could
  • I Want A Pony
  • All The Other Girls Have Pierced Belly Buttons
  • Boys Are Cute
  • I Should Look Like The Girls In The Magazines
  • My Boyfriend Has A Car

Then of course there are the optional bonus levels, such as I’ve Decided To Go Backpacking Through Thailand, and Dad This Is My Life Partner Susan.

I think I need to read some more strategy guides before then. I believe they are called “parenting books.”

Comments

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Machine Man subscriber Myke (#2316)

Posted: 2798 days ago

Haha, hilarious stuff.

Julian Bennett Holmes (#2209)

Location: New York, NY USA
Posted: 2798 days ago

Good stuff, and good picture too.

Colette (#324)

Location: Boise, Idaho, USA
Quote: "What's popcorn made of?"
Posted: 2798 days ago

You forgot the level, "But what if I DON'T want to go to college?"

Machine Man subscriber Danni Brennand (#357)

Location: England
Quote: "Eagerly awaiting the European Tour."
Posted: 2798 days ago

Don't forget that one word can mean several things- book can mean "hey, look- that's a book and I know that's what it's called!" or "I want you to read to me" or "I want to look in that book there by myself".

It's never easy :)

Jane (#321)

Location: Melbourne, Australia
Quote: "Which is worse: Ignorance or apathy? Who knows? Who cares?"
Posted: 2798 days ago

Great post! :)
I have been feeling the same way about my baby since about day one. (He is now 6 months, and I have just reach Level 5.)
In addition to no power-ups, there are also no easter eggs, no cheats and worst of all, no 'off' switch!

Life with a baby definitely feels like a computer game sometimes - especially the first 3 months or so; it was all quite surreal in my sleep-deprived state. I kept waiting for 'the authorities' to knock on the door, say "Thanks for looking after this little chap so well. You've done a great job. Now we are going to take him to be looked after by professionals". I knew when this happened, I would be sad, but would know it was the best thing for my baby.

Then, one day I suddenly realised, this isn't a game. There is no expert, professional parent out there. Oh yeah, and if I were to fail a level... (cue ominous music)

Dead (#724)

Location: Ipswich, Australia
Quote: "5'4" and bulletproof."
Posted: 2798 days ago

If by some bizarre chance of fate I ever have children, I hope I make it past level one without it spontaneously combusting. That would be awkward.

Machine Man subscriber Dan Maurath (#2013)

Location: California
Quote: "You know, we're not the only ones destroying trees. What about beavers? You call yourself an environmentalist, why don't you go club a few beavers? - Lindsay - Arrested Development"
Posted: 2798 days ago

"I think I need to read some more strategy guides before then. I believe they are called 'parenting books.'"

Ever think of writing one of your own in a few years when Fin is older? It doesnt necessarily need to be practical just entertaining. Id read it.

Janet (#2030)

Location: California
Quote: "There are three kinds of people in this world: Those that can count and those that can't. Which one are you?"
Posted: 2798 days ago

xD

Gee, what else are you missing?

"Daddy, can I have a cell phone with unlimited text messaging and minutes? And make sure its a Dulci and Cabbanna phone too!"

Yenzo (#829)

Location: Secret underwater pyramid base in the Pacific
Quote: "In order to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe (Carl Sagan)"
Posted: 2798 days ago

My sister just ordered the sequel, even though she hasn't played all through the first part yet.

I wonder if, after you finished it, you'll want to do it all over again to find all the side quests.

Machine Man subscriber Marleen (#2741)

Location: Berlin, Germany
Quote: "I want more expensive shoes in one place than I've ever seen in my whole life."
Posted: 2798 days ago

Haha, I'm saving this down for later when *I* have a toddler.

Besides. I'm 26 now and I still want a pony.

God (#1369)

Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posted: 2798 days ago

--- Post deleted ---

Machine Man subscriber Craig Barron (#1276)

Location: Leeds, UK.
Quote: "“Trust Elizabeth to get upset over a donut.”"
Posted: 2798 days ago

Wait for "Why" conversations...

Max: "Come on sweetheart we have to set off now"
Fin: “Why?”
Max: "Because we are going to be late"
Fin: "Why?"
Max: "Because I was busy planning my next book tour to the UK some thing I have been putting off for a while now and did not realise the time"
Fin: "Why?"
Max: "Fin we really have to set off now, it's not like I can just turn back time"
Fin: "Why?
Max: "Well there are a few theories proposed by physicists which suggest electromagnetism can warp time and space, Burkhard Heim said that electromagnetic energy was interchangeable with gravitational energy by rewriting general relativity within a quantum framework four-dimensional spacetime universe of a quantum structure of six dimensions allowing for the coupling of electromagnetism and gravitation, But I think is a load of all hooe"
Fin: ....

Machine Man subscriber Barry Mitchell (#1001)

Location: Saukville, Wisconsin
Quote: ""A hamster's like a small camel" - Ben Katz"
Posted: 2798 days ago

I'm sorry? You've completed level 14? I seriously need that walk-through. I think this game allows you to skip levels, because I'm experiencing many Level 14 moments though I'm sure I'm up to Level 17 or so with mine.

Great post! :)

Jane (#321)

Location: Melbourne, Australia
Quote: "Which is worse: Ignorance or apathy? Who knows? Who cares?"
Posted: 2798 days ago

Tomorrow we will be playing in multiplayer mode... we are visiting the Grandparents (once again, cue ominous music).

Tom Martin (#372)

Location: Melbourne, Australia
Quote: "I have nothing to say, yet I can't help but put in a quote."
Posted: 2798 days ago

Is that co-operative or deathmatch?

Machine Man subscriber Craig Barron (#1276)

Location: Leeds, UK.
Quote: "“Trust Elizabeth to get upset over a donut.”"
Posted: 2798 days ago

Fin Walkthrough Cheat section:

Press : start, A, B, LB, X
for the hidden "Millionaire Princess Fin wins Nobel peace prize and buys Mummy and Daddy Queensland" level

Machine Man subscriber Robert Bissonnette (#2827)

Location: Perth, WA
Quote: "Cante Jondo and The Blues; Popular suffering raised to a high art."
Posted: 2798 days ago

West of House

You are standing in an open field west of a white house, with a boarded front door.
There is a small mailbox here.

Machine Man subscriber Marleen (#2741)

Location: Berlin, Germany
Quote: "I want more expensive shoes in one place than I've ever seen in my whole life."
Posted: 2798 days ago

open door
east

j/k ;)

Adam A. (#256)

Location: Phoenix, Arizona
Quote: "Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that." -George Carlin"
Posted: 2798 days ago

My daughter is 18 months so I'm right there with you. Her thing right now is holding out her hands, giving me the puppy dog eyes, and saying "Bup, bup, bup", pleading to me to pick her up. And if I don't, she turns into a demon from the 17th dimension.

Picto (#64)

Location: United Kingdom
Quote: "Who is more foolish, the child afraid of the dark or the man afraid of the light? - Maurice Freehill"
Posted: 2798 days ago

what a little terror!

haha, that blog was hilarious, thanks for cheering up my day, Max!

ryandake (#2199)

Location: scenic monterey, ca
Quote: ""The rest is not our business.""
Posted: 2798 days ago

yes i think a strategy guide is a wonderful idea. but please don't wait til fin is all grown up to write it. and do consider the notion that when fin is saying "book, book, book..." she's actually telling you to go write one, not read one to her. clearly, she wants that strategy guide on the shelves too.

Robert (#2152)

Location: Berlin, Germany
Posted: 2798 days ago

good one.

Hobbie (#1359)

Location: Cornwall, England
Quote: "There was a little man in his hair!"
Posted: 2798 days ago

I would have thought the worst impending level would be something along the lines of;

"But I don't need to read the books, the films are just sooo much quicker."

austin (#2462)

Location: rhode island
Quote: "hmmm...bleh..."
Posted: 2798 days ago

Am I the only one that's a little concerned because you compared Fin to a video game?

Yubi Shines (#1664)

Location: Canada
Quote: "HOPE RIDES ALONE!"
Posted: 2797 days ago

And if you have another kid, well...

Ever watched that video of that guy who successfully played two different Megaman X games at once, using a single controller?

That's what you'll be doing.

Stephanie (#2098)

Location: United States
Quote: "Going crazy. Care to join me?"
Posted: 2797 days ago

You forgot one important level; the "watch me go from happy to tantrum in 1.2 seconds." It's my little princess's favorite.

Tony Quin (#1310)

Location: Plymouth -urgh
Quote: "Yoga is NAILS"
Posted: 2797 days ago

From the opener, I thought Fin had started asking for walkthroughs. If that was the case, I wouldn't know whether to be astounded, or shocked and horrified at the level of broken english used!

made me think of this: http://www.thenoobcomic.com/daily/strip236.html

Sudi (#2895)

Location: Ithaca, 10 square miles surrounded by reality
Quote: "Mostly lucid"
Posted: 2795 days ago

while on comics- the post reminded me of this one on learning curves in video games vs. real life

http://news.yahoo.com/comics/070214/cx_frazz_umedia/20071402;_ylt=AhvwjFYpAq5Hlkohm_GULDwP_b4F

Tom (#2823)

Location: SouthEast Michigan (U.S.A.)
Quote: "In theory there is no difference between theory and practice. In practice there is."
Posted: 2795 days ago

Fin's going to grow up to be an editor, isn't she?
Thirty years from now:
Fin: “Novel? Novel?”
Author: “No novel, I'm getting married.”
Fin: “Novel? Novel? Novel?”
Author: “No, I'm leaving on my honeymoon.”
Fin: “Novel? Novel? Novel? Novel? Novel? Novel? Novel? Novel?”

Jonathan (#2987)

Location: My girl's heart
Quote: "It doesn't have to be fair, it just has to be"
Posted: 2794 days ago

You missed the "I believe I can fly" level and "why do I have to eat this green stuff,ew!".

Also the "Are we there yet?" bonus stage.

I never thought of it like that. As hilarious as it may be it the perfect and best way to describe one's parental life. I sorta know cuz I've had to take care of little children before, however briefly. Highly enjoyable, but not easy at all.

I kind of envy you, I'm too mature for my age, but too young to have children. Gotta wait a few years before I can write about the strange greatness of parenthood.

Good luck and take care.
Over and out

Machine Man subscriber FerretWithASpork (#2218)

Location: NY, USA
Quote: "What the F**ks a terminal?"
Posted: 2788 days ago

LOL That has to be one of the best blog entries I have read on the internet ever!

Fractelle (#2998)

Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posted: 2785 days ago

Gidday Max; most excellent blog.

Love the levels and congratulations for progressing so far. However, have a difficulty with one of the future levels; "Why don't I have a penis?".

As I recall, having actually been a curious little girl some years way back, neither I nor ANY of my girlfriends EVER wondered about a lack of penis - why would we? We were perfect little girls.

Therefore the questions should be, in order:

"What is that?"

"Why do boys have them; they are yukky?"

blab (#1632)

Location: The Sandwich Isles
Quote: "Adventure is just poor planning"
Posted: 2783 days ago

So cute. So, So, So cute. Well enjoy the levels now because when they ratchet up, (and they will) you'll miss them baby days.

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