MaxBarry.com
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Max Barry wrote the novels Syrup, Jennifer Government, Company, Machine Man, and Lexicon. He also created the game NationStates and once found a sock full of pennies.

Blog

Fri 20
May
2005

She’s having a baby

Max Jen at 26 weeks Now, I know other people have had babies. I see them all the time. In fact, I have it on good authority that, at one time, I was a baby myself. So on the one hand, surely there should be nothing newsworthy about the impending arrival of yet another one. But on the other, OH MY GOD MY WIFE IS PREGNANT.

I know, I know. Deep breaths. Work through it. Okay. Here are the facts: The due date is August 22. We know the baby’s sex (my theory is the birth will be interesting enough without needing to build up any additional suspense), but are not telling anybody (because we’re cruel). It’s our first.

Phoooo. Phoooo.

Comments

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Myrth (#22)

Location: London, UK
Quote: "A quote must have a beginning, a middle and an"
Posted: 3260 days ago

Congrats! Got any names in the pipeline yet?

John Morris (#346)

Location: Penn Valley
Quote: "to be or not to be"
Posted: 3260 days ago

Congratulation Max, I'm sure you will be a good father. Enjoy the peace and quiet while you have it.

Arjun Ravi Narayan (#98)

Location: India
Posted: 3260 days ago

congratulations!

shes gonna be named jennifer? or hes gonna be named hack, right?
i mean if youre gonna forsake your kid to a life of cliches theres the place to start!

JacksSmirkingRevenge (#1324)

Location: That place where Billy Elliot was comitted, England
Quote: "What can the harvest hope for if not for the care of the reaper man?"
Posted: 3260 days ago

Congratulations!

David (#577)

Location: Belgium
Posted: 3260 days ago

Congrats Max!

I feel you should write more newspost or comments about the baby so that we can trick you in using a male/female third-person singular pronoun and find out the gender.

Or create a "when is the baby going to pop out? time/date" competition for a signed version of one of your books!

Sophie (#891)

Location: Devon
Posted: 3260 days ago

Awesome news. Congratulations!
I'm really curious to know what he/she's going to be called ... if your books are anything to go by, you seem really imaginative with names. I'm expecting nothing less than Cindy Cindy, Scat, 6, @, Babelicous or Hack Nike.
Also, your wife's really pretty, so this should be a very foxy and talented kid (even if it does end up with a majorly quirky name) ;)
And I think we should try and guess the baby's sex ... I guess its a girl. There could be a prize for whoever guesses correctly ... like, a signed copy of Company... If I win this I'd totally baby-sit for you next time I'm in Australia.

Melinda Kovac (#583)

Location: South Australia
Quote: "Nothing says feminine like a burping contest"
Posted: 3260 days ago

Congratulations to you both!

I was lucky enough to meet your dear wife at a 101st gathering in Townsville last year and this is indeed a surprise. I guess it explains why I haven't seen her online for a while, and guess I won't once the baby's born either.

My best wishes to the mum-to-be!! Please keep us updated!

All the best,
Mel (from GA)

spinne (#427)

Quote: "I'm not here to cock around."
Posted: 3260 days ago

That's wonderful news, congratulations!

Justin Holt (#147)

Location: Rochester, NY
Quote: "www.justinholt.net"
Posted: 3260 days ago

Congrats on the great news for both of you! It sounds like it's going to be a landmark couple of months for you with the arrival of the new baby and the release of Company next year...

Machine Man subscriber Barry Mitchell (#1001)

Location: Saukville, Wisconsin
Quote: ""A hamster's like a small camel" - Ben Katz"
Posted: 3260 days ago

Congratulations!

Lapse (#86)

Location: Brisbane Australia
Quote: "You're adopted and we hate you."
Posted: 3260 days ago

Go Max!!

Congratulations!

thewylddream (#1191)

Location: Montana USA
Quote: ""Always forgive your enemies -- Nothing annoys them so much." ~Oscar Wilde~"
Posted: 3260 days ago

That is wonderful news! Congradulations... DAD!!

Rod McBride (#688)

Location: Gardner, KS
Quote: "www.MidwestRockLobster.blogspot.com"
Posted: 3260 days ago

There's nothing that even comes close to parenthood. No job, not even writing a clever novel, comes close.

Nothing I've done has made me grow as a person and rewarded me so much, anyway. Plus, and I hate to make a Dr. Laura allusion, but the lady nailed it when she had a caller trying to decide between kiddos and a career: a career won't come to Thanksgiving dinner.

I know, that's not an Australian holiday, but surely you have an equivalent.

And yes, I'm aware that in most cases a career won't call you at 3:00 a.m. for bail money...

Fionut (#467)

Location: London, England
Quote: "Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else."
Posted: 3260 days ago

Trying to think of an original way to say congrats, but as I'm no writer I'll stick to CONGRATULATIONS!
Enjoy your last few months of peace.

Machine Man subscriber Mapuche (#1184)

Location: Darwin, Australia
Quote: "Inconceivable!"
Posted: 3260 days ago

As a 2.5 month old first time father of a daughter I can absolutely share your complete joy and astonishment at the process you are about to go through.

Remember, whatever the doctors say, childbirth is _NATURAL_ and whilst parts of the process seem to be hurting your dearly beloved, they aren't actually doing her any damage...

Sincere congratualations to you and your wife, and good wishes for a safe and healthy arrival of 'it'. May love abound in your soon to be family...

Mr Nick (#1166)

Location: Wayne, MI
Posted: 3260 days ago

Congrats Max!

Beautiful wife, bun in the oven, and you write for a living. Wanna trade?

Andrew (#1279)

Location: Texas
Posted: 3260 days ago

Congrats Max!

Name him Andrew :D...!

DewKnight (#815)

Location: WP, CO,USA
Quote: "Booyah"
Posted: 3260 days ago

booyah dude.

Jason (#1193)

Location: Indianapolis, IN
Quote: "The bulwark of the suggestion box has failed."
Posted: 3259 days ago

Congrats! Max(x?) Jr.? ;) heh

Bonnie McDonald (#1138)

Location: Florida
Quote: ""You may be on the B Squad, but you're the B Squad leader""
Posted: 3259 days ago

Congratulations! I must say that I think it is very smart indeed to keep your babies sex a secret. If I may add a suggestion (speaking from experience of course)I would keep your ideas on baby names a secret as well. It is so devestating to finally get to the end of the 25,000 baby names, finally have narrowed it down to only one that you both love, and to have the soon to be Grandma wrinkle her nose and say "No way are you naming him/her that!" Trust me, if you tell them the name after the birth, they will have to pretend that they like it. Or else you can threaten to include their disgust, in ink, in the baby's book.
One more idea...you should consider opening a P.O.Box that all of your adoring fans could send baby gifts to. It's not greedy, and you will probably get tons of free stuff.
Congrats again!

syrup6 (#1224)

Location: Arkansas
Quote: ""Truth always rests with the minority, and the minority is always stronger than the majority, because the minority is generally formed by those who really have an opinion" - Kierkegaard"
Posted: 3259 days ago

That's awesome, congrats!
I had a crazy dream last night about a new born baby girl named Jaquline... hmm...

Matt (#61)

Location: Chicago
Posted: 3259 days ago

Look at that low member number, also--congratulations.

Peter N.Bernath (#1041)

Location: Stockholm - Sweden
Quote: "Errr... Is that a tree growing out of your head? - Fallout 2"
Posted: 3259 days ago

Well... I think we all should sing "Happy Birthday" for the baby! I mean, havn't you ever celebrated someones birthday in advande? And this will be the babys ACTUAL birthday. Think about it. It's true! I'll start singin' and then you guys can join in at home.

Happy Birthday to yooou! *really singing out loud*
Happy Birthday to Yooouu! *still singing but not so loud anymore since the people at the office are giving strange glances*
Happy Birthday Deeear, ummm..., BAAABYY *opera voice not impressing boss*
happy birthday to you. *really quiet this time, almost whispering, boss moving awaaa...aaa...Y*
HAPPY BIIIIIRTHDAAAAY TOOOOOOOOOIIIIIII YOOOOOOOOUUU!!! *security guys coming running, hiiiide, plan to blame it on Liz*


So there it is, Liz got fired and I'm still happy after the song. It works out for all of us! Come on and join the singin'

Peter Baker (#475)

Location: Calgary, Alberta, Canada
Quote: "I reject your reality and substitute my own."
Posted: 3259 days ago

Hooray for babies?

Congrats Max. Watch out... they bite..

Adam A. (#256)

Location: Phoenix, Arizona
Quote: "Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that." -George Carlin"
Posted: 3259 days ago

My wife is also having a baby about the same week. The due date is Sept 5, but she'll need a c-section, so we schedule it about a week before. We're having a girl (ultrasound lady said 90% probability), which is good because we already have a son. Now we'll have a matching set. So congrats, and good luck! It's a pain in the ass, but it's the coolest thing in the world.

RaptorRed (#78)

Location: Ohio, USA
Quote: "Nothing real can defeat us, nothing unreal exists."
Posted: 3259 days ago

Congrats Max!

Machine Man subscriber Adam (#24)

Location: Morristown, Indiana
Quote: "Why do I blog? Simple, because Max Barry blogs."
Posted: 3259 days ago

Fri. 20 May, 2005

YOU DON'T EVEN UNDERSTAND GOSSIP.

First of all, I would like to congratulate max on his wife being pregnant. I would also like to congratulate him for being an able bodied man. I have heard rumors that it is a boy. I also heard that max was going to name it after himself, Max Jr. I have very good sources, but I cannot give you any of them for they are so secret that I do not even know their names.

In my own personal life, many adventures await as I move into a new stage of my schooling career, summer vacation. Summer vacation is not an interesting enough topic to write about so I will try something esle.

Pandas. What do we know about pandas? They are very cute bears that would probably kill you if you tried to pet them. We also know that they are dying because boy pandas don't have very good dating techniques. That is why I feel that I am somewhat like a panda....that was boringly educational...


Until next time...

I will never stop blogging...no matter how annoying it actually is to all you who waste your time reading this...

Adam

Machine Man subscriber Adam (#24)

Location: Morristown, Indiana
Quote: "Why do I blog? Simple, because Max Barry blogs."
Posted: 3259 days ago

THIS JUST IN!!!!


Rachael just gave Joey half of her gum...FROM HER MOUTH!!!

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG.....OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG!!!!!
POS, don't type anything........

OMG OMG OMG OMG...

Adam

shabooty (#637)

Location: D.C./V.A/M.D.
Quote: "I will shake your foundation. I will shake the f**cking rafters. Nobody'll be the same -Danny Bonaduce ....& go visit my blog @: http://www.shabooty.com"
Posted: 3259 days ago

here's a good name if it's a boy

Sneaky Skeet
=)


and congrats!

Emily (#609)

Location: New York
Quote: "When in doubt, fuck it. When not in doubt, get in doubt!"
Posted: 3259 days ago

Eeeee! Congratulations! That's wonderful news!

It's just as well, because I'd like suspense. Can't wait to find out! ;-)

Peace, mate,

-Em

Ezzra (#40)

Location: Wherever my imagination takes me...
Quote: "Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it? -Mark Twain"
Posted: 3259 days ago

mazel tov, both of you :-)

Dawn (#270)

Location: Atlanta, GA, USA
Quote: "It's too bad I don't have something witty to write here..."
Posted: 3259 days ago

Congratulations!!

Matthew (#16)

Location: Columbus, Ohio
Quote: "Unicorn on mountain top. Wind blowing through mane."
Posted: 3259 days ago

I hope you don't name the kid after one of your characters.

Mark LaFlamme (#1327)

Location: Maine
Quote: "It wasn't me, it was some other guy."
Posted: 3259 days ago

If you're Comprehensive Guide to Child Rearing and Wife Accomodating is as good as your help for writers, the world will benefit. Congratulations, Max.

Kat (#299)

Location: My bedroom
Quote: ""The abolition of man is within the reach of science""
Posted: 3259 days ago

Congratulations! Another cutie coming into this corrupted world! I'm sure you're going to be a great daddy!

Thomas (#1221)

Location: Germany
Quote: "One more, and I'm going to consider you my penpal."
Posted: 3259 days ago

Oh, man. I'm trying to come up with an entertaining mail about how I liked JG, and because I take too long, you guys make a baby?!

That's no fair competition.

Congratulations. :-P

Tony Quin (#1310)

Location: Plymouth -urgh
Quote: "Yoga is NAILS"
Posted: 3259 days ago

Congratulations! (Trying to sound as new and special as the first one here...)

I agree with whosoever said that you should keep names secret as well. You'll have all and sundry saying they have a better one, whilst thinking up all the nasty nicknames possible from your suggestions.

Machine Man subscriber Danni Brennand (#357)

Location: England
Quote: "Eagerly awaiting the European Tour."
Posted: 3258 days ago

Congratulations! Enjoy your last few months of peace, for although parenthood is a fantastic time, things will never be the same.

My daughter Samantha (16 1/2 months) said Yak when I told her you were going to be a father. Ah well, that's toddlers for you ;)

Cotland (#1325)

Location: jippi
Posted: 3258 days ago

Gratulerer. Håper barnet blir en glede for dere begge.

(translated from Norwegian)

Congratulations. I hope that the baby will be a joy and pleasure for the both of you.


Lots and lots of best wishes from a Norwegian NSer

Machine Man subscriber Silke (#968)

Location: Hamburg, Germany
Quote: ""Not only do I not know the answer - I don't even know what the question is..." [Metallica]"
Posted: 3258 days ago

Herzlichen Glückwunsch!!!!

My dearest congratulations! I am so glad for you and your wife!

All the best wishes from Germany!

Jason C. (#1266)

Location: Drive north from Max's place for about four/five days
Quote: "Be just. And if you can't be just, be arbitrary."
Posted: 3258 days ago

Way to get the job done there little Max ;)

Congratulations, I hope everything goes smoothly and you both enjoy parenthood (because there's no turning back now!)

Stuart Lamble (#1321)

Location: Melbourne, Australia
Quote: "Growing old is mandatory. Growing up is optional."
Posted: 3258 days ago

Woo! Congratulations! Make sure you stock up on sleep, because it'll be in short supply soon.

A few words of wisdom, paraphrased from a British comedy show: "Soon, you shall find that your Significant Other's breasts have ceased to be objects of mystical desire, and have instead become a very effective pair of silencers."

Enjoy every moment, and cherish the young years. They're at once both the scariest, and the most exhilerating, and they shall never come again.

Good luck.

Ruth (#288)

Location: Bath, United Kingdom
Quote: "Only the insane have strength enough to prosper. Only those who prosper may truly judge what is sane."
Posted: 3257 days ago

Yet another reply to say - congratulations and good luck to you both :)

Rob2Kx (#1125)

Location: Canada
Quote: "Anything for laughs even if it kills you"
Posted: 3257 days ago

Wow, you found a woman to have sex with you?!
I'm shocked. But good for you.

Jjuulliiaann (#1111)

Location: New York
Quote: "Religion is the Opium of the People --Karl Marx"
Posted: 3257 days ago

Well, congratulations, Jennifer and Max!

Matt (#61)

Location: Chicago
Posted: 3257 days ago

Members who have numbers below 100 should all get t-shirts, and pictures of the baby, AND--we should have a say in his/her name.

Scott (#354)

Location: Grand Rapids, MI
Quote: "Max Barry tastes like awesome"
Posted: 3257 days ago

So when are you going to put up a web-based poll, with your tops choices for names, so your fans can pick the name of the little bugger? Hehe...

Michael Faulkner (#373)

Location: Winter Park, FL
Quote: "BURRRRRITTTTOOOOOOS!!!! -- Gir"
Posted: 3257 days ago

Congratulations and all that!!! Umm, hope everything comes out well...yeah, I don't know what to say, but congrats none the less!!

DR (#1183)

Location: USA
Quote: "I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it. 'jack handey"
Posted: 3257 days ago

Congratulations are certainly due you and your lovely wife.

But Max, really! How could it be possible that you didn't notice until half-way through the second trimester?

Or did we just not merit the news until now? Pfft.

Machine Man subscriber Brad Mendenhall (#23)

Location: Shrewsbury, Pa
Quote: "Max Barry? I thought I this was the Dave Barry Website! You mean he doesn't swear he's not making this up? (Shameless Plug - check out my website www.CosmicGeppetto.com)"
Posted: 3257 days ago

Obviously, congratulations are in order. Namely, good job on getting a good-looking wife.

Oh yeah, congrats on the baby thing.


Nathicana (#1331)

Location: Iowa, USA
Quote: "Dimmi con chi vai chi ti diro chi sei."
Posted: 3256 days ago

Congratulations and best wishes to both you and your lady wife - that's just awesome. :)

Guarantee you're in for some experiences you'd never dreamed of with the lil one. Maybe not all great, true (I think we could all pass on the diapers bit for one), but somehow, I've found all the amazing little moments they bring with them tend to make all the work and the worry more than worth it.

Like the first time you hold that baby in your arms, or see your little one smile, and the way they seem to just trust you implicitly ... and the best part? It just keeps getting better.

Sure one minute you may wonder what in the world you're going to do with the lil stinkers, but the next, you'll be wondering how you ever got along without the them.

Kids have a funny way of doing that to ya.

Chris H (#1066)

Location: Where Washington crossed the Delaware.
Quote: "Chris is like a medium range ballistic name. Ok, so it's not, but it sounded kind of cool. Not really."
Posted: 3256 days ago

A late congrats to you and yours Max. Nick name the kid Cookie and I'll give you $20 US. Are we on?

Chris Walker-Bush (#1334)

Location: Newcastle
Quote: "Desperately Seeking Publication"
Posted: 3256 days ago

Congratulations are most definitely in order, Max. If it's a girl, I second the motion you call it Jennifer. Maybe even change your name to Max Government. Or maybe not.

Witnessed a birth before? It 'aint pretty. Best of luck with it, and again, congratulations.

Kenneth Lim (#1336)

Location: Singapore
Quote: "Quote? Argh.. Who would care anyway."
Posted: 3255 days ago

On the one hand, I would remind you to be extra sensitive to your wife needs and take real good care of her. On the other though, I would suggest you enjoy yourself with the time that you have now while you still can.

Well life's hard all around eh mate?
Something almost always gotta give.

CheerS~

Mats (#1057)

Location: Turku, Finland, Europe, Earth
Quote: ""The optimist thinks this is the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist knows it." James Branch Cabell via Robert Oppenheimer"
Posted: 3255 days ago

Onnittelut sinulle ja vaimollesi!
Ehdotan että annatte lapselle nimen Mats, sillä tavalla kukaan ei pidä sinua egoistisena idioottina vaikka lapsesi nimi on melkein sama kuin sinulla.

Translation from Finnish:

Congratulations to you and your wife!
I suggest you call the kid Mats, that way noone will think you're an egotistical idiot even though your childs name is almost the same as yours.

Peter N.Bernath (#1041)

Location: Stockholm - Sweden
Quote: "Errr... Is that a tree growing out of your head? - Fallout 2"
Posted: 3254 days ago

I was just thinkin' about Company...

I mean, you'll have to finish it completely before the Baby pops out yelling: "MEEEE, MEEEE, I WANT THE ATTENTION DADA!!"

So please finish it before it's to late. And congrats again! ;)

Karen (#245)

Location: Belfast, Northern Ireland
Quote: "It takes more muscles to frown than to smile, but I like my face to be fit."
Posted: 3253 days ago

Congratulations, Max :-) Further to other name suggestions, I think you should call the baby [violet] in honour of the enigmatic admin over at NS - we still puzzle over whether (s)he is you or not!

Seriously, hope Jen's pregnancy goes really well, and that you both enjoy being parents!

Bony Tony (#1343)

Location: United States
Posted: 3252 days ago

Congratulations Max.

the-tine (#472)

Location: Pennsylvania, USA
Quote: "Coming soon to a planet near you."
Posted: 3251 days ago

Congratulations, Max(x)! If the baby is male, you MUST name it Max, Jr. go ahead. don't feel guilty!

Soigacas (#1354)

Location: UK
Quote: "Someday this war's gonna end"
Posted: 3248 days ago

Congrats.

Max II sounds good to me. Instant coolness. Or maybe Max 2.0 - but I guess it's been done

The M.S.R. of Panglossa (#1337)

Location: Boise, Idaho
Quote: "All is for the best in the best of all possible worlds!"
Posted: 3247 days ago

Oh, the FUN that awaits you!!!!!!!!
Hahahahahahahahahah!!!!! <Cackle> <Cackle> <Cackle>
speaking as the parent of 3 boys, ages 18, 15, 12.)

Seriously, I imagine that all will be for the best...
Good luck :-)(

Picto (#64)

Location: United Kingdom
Quote: "Who is more foolish, the child afraid of the dark or the man afraid of the light? - Maurice Freehill"
Posted: 3245 days ago

I say, congratulations Jen. She's the one going to have to go through and give birth, not Max. But well done Max anyway. Now you've gone and got your hands full. :o)

Jjuulliiaann (#1111)

Location: New York
Quote: "Religion is the Opium of the People --Karl Marx"
Posted: 3233 days ago

I guess we won't be seeing Company until 2007 then...

Arundhati (#1422)

Location: India
Quote: "Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup."
Posted: 3225 days ago

Hey Max,
Just finished reading Jennifer Government. Am now wading through your archives, and trying to get my hands on your other work (harder than I expected, in New Delhi). Hope to get myself up to speed before my employers find out what I do with their internet and my work hours.

Congratulations on the Barry-in-progress.

I do believe you're the only one in the world who responds to the news of impending offspring by writing fiction involving *spoiler ahead* out-of-the-ordinary-and-not-in-a-good-way babies :)

Argh! I can't resist.... Kate if its a girl and Christopher if its a boy!!! (and under no circumstances Dave!)
cheers!

::: wanders away to lurk some more :::

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